in His hands

2 months and 1 house later

2011-12-07T20:47:00.000+02:00

I can't believe it's been 2 months. Just a bit ago, one of my closest friends told me something like..."I can't believe it...you are one of the LAST people I expected to be settling down and buying a house." And that's exactly how I feel about it too....we're on the same page. Slight disbelief, mixed with complete peace, sprinkled with a bit of crazy. And yet...it's so right. I can't really question it. From the moment I said yes to this whole crazy scheme God concocted, it has been so easy and peaceful and blessed. His hand has been ALL over it. And even in the milisecond I attempt to question it....I do something like drive home and see the city from the side I'm living on now and something in me SCREAMS: HOME!!! (ps-if you've never seen the city from the East side of the Broad River at NIGHT...well....if you had, you'd agree).

I'm sitting here on my couch in my new old house, drinking coffee, surrounded by half empty boxes and paint cans and groupings of things I need to sort through. I just received an email from a sweet friend living in the Netherlands. We spent a year working together in Mozambique. I just finished replying-catching up on life and sharing where God is leading us. Yesterday I skype-chatted with a close friend living in England whom I also spent 18 months working with in Mozambique. 2 days ago I received a package from Malaysia. A sweet supporter and prayer partner whom I've never met physically but have shared many emails and prayers with had sent me such an encouraging note and gift for my birthday. 3 days ago I spoke to a dear friend I met right here in Nashville...she's in Kenya now, serving as a missionary. She left just a few months after I returned home. We spent over 2 hrs together just sharing how God is working in our lives and all the girly fun friend stuff too that never seems to matter, but it so does when you're living transculturally and so far from friends and family (it seems everyone just wants to know about the big stuff). 4 days ago I was sitting in church (yes on a SATURDAY-I like the Sat evening service). I was sitting there waiting for my friend to meet me and I opened up the bulletin and realized it was the first weekend in December which means the start of us as a church family talking about missions...Global missions. We share and learn and listen and discuss how we can have less under our tree so we can give more to the world....where it's truly needed. And this particular weekend, we had all our global partners from around the world back here to speak to us. As I sat there and saw many of them dressed in traditional clothing and heard their familiar accents; the hesitations in speaking a language that is not their first, or even their second to share how God is working in their lives, through our church, and in the lives of the people God has called them to serve......I sat there.....having a bittersweet moment. The kind where you have a peace about where you are and KNOW and BELIEVE it is right but have a bit of longing and aching in your heart for the other part too. I had closed on my house 3 days prior, had spent my first night in my new old house the night before and just 2 hrs earlier I had been opening boxes. Bittersweet. It made it all feel so permanent. Well....at least for this season permanent.

It's just been one of those weeks....where I've looked around and say....HOW did I get here??? Who am I to have friends ALL over the world? To have experienced all that I have in these 30ish (yeah yeah almost 31) years? Did I really just buy a HOUSE? And am I really deserving of all that God has just blessed me with?

But I know the ending to this...."to whom much is given, much is required" (Luke 12:48)....and I'm living out the required part. Well I'm trying my best to live out the required part. It's a daily kinda thing. For today (and today only)....I’m committed to doing THIS. just THIS. and tomorrow I’ll do tomorrow’s portion as He places it in front of me. and in that way....it's a bit easier to manage. "And HE determined the times set for them and the EXACT places where they should LIVE.....In Him we LIVE and MOVE and have our being" (Acts 17:26-28). I'm trying to live and move and just BE, just rest in Him...especially in this season of change and new beginnings. And I know I am blessed and so excited to give it all back......

(So yeah....I have a house....and I love it....and it's perfect and overwhelmingly more than I asked for...there's a story in that, but maybe for another cold day and another cup of coffee....today, right now, it's time to paint...I'll post pics soon!)

The next chapter...

2011-10-05T22:24:00.000+02:00

So I know most of you have been wondering what I’ll be doing next, when I’ll be returning to the field, and where I’ll be going. I have to say that you’ve been in good company because I’ve felt the exact same way. And at the end of May I think God started getting through to me and I began actually HEARING what He had been trying to tell me since at least February. I know what you’re thinking….it’s been 4 months. I’m going to open this by apologizing for not sending this any sooner than now, but as you read on and discover where I think God is leading me, you’ll start to understand why I’ve waited, and sat, and listened, and sought counsel, and prayed through this hard before letting ya’ll in on it. I wanted to make sure this is where God’s leading me….and sorry for the length of this post...it's the only way to get you up to speed!

It never ever ceases to amaze me that no matter how much I am seeking His will and I think that I am listening, I often find that my will is crowding out His still small voice....but eventually God gets through and I always lay down my will to submit to whatever it is that He has planned for me, which is when He begins to truly reveal His plans to me. Back in February I felt God once again speaking to me about laying down my own dreams and plans and things of the flesh and being willing to say yes to Him in whatever capacity that looked like, even if it might be different than what I had begun to treasure up and envision in my heart for the past 12+ months, ever since I came home with the intention to just be here for 6 months and then return to the field. Well, as we all know, those 6 months have come and gone, and the beginning of June made a year. And since then, I've been praying and seeking that God would show me exactly WHAT it was that I was clinging to instead of clinging to Him. I had a discussion with a Godly missionary friend of mine serving in Kenya right now and I felt God undoing something in me I couldn't really put words to at that time. I know God called me the first time to serve Him as a single missionary for those 2 years, but since returning home I cannot say that I feel Him telling me to return to the field and serve Him full-time long-term as a single female in this current season. And I’ve noticed that the passion I had originally and daily struggled with of so wanting and waiting to return to the field has been removed over the past months. I still yearn to serve Him in missions (and He keeps opening up those doors), but I felt like I was just waiting on Him to give me the next big passion to replace that which He had removed.

God really started speaking again to me about His plans versus mine...and it came at a perfect time (as is all God's timing is) that I would leave for 14 days to be in Alabama with the only distractions being the physical training and grad school work during a missions training course through SIFAT which I attended back in May...but the rest of the time I spent seeking Him in the quiet moments and praying through WHAT my next step was to be. In those days I had a lot of discussions, a lot of prayer time, and a lot of revelations, but I felt like it was all too overwhelming to make sense of while I was there. So when I came home, I took a full day and spent it with God dealing with all of it, getting really honest (once again) with myself and God. I prayed through what He started in me in February, to a specific prayer I prayed in early May turning over all my desires, goals, agendas, and dreams to Him about what the next mission chapter of my life will look like-to be in alignment with Him no matter WHAT that looked like, to the discussions I had while I was at SIFAT in AL. What came out of that time is that I'm still quite uncertain about the tiny details of where the Lord's leading me and what the next chapter is going to look like, but I'm completely at peace with the fact that it will NOT be living full time in Mozambique or another developing country in this present season. In fact, it was just what I had been clinging to instead of what God had been calling me to…..and as I let go of that God started reminding me of what He had placed in my heart before I left Mozambique and started my trek back home……

Some of you may remember that vision and passion…..it was beginning to meld a few passions I’ve always had into one big one-loving on children, mentoring and walking alongside women and teens, and helping people get healthy (in all ways beyond just the physical). I felt Him combining it with the new passion He was placing in me which was to move into a community, walk alongside it, live within it and be part of an amazing transformation from the inside out-starting with one person, moving to one household, and extending to one community. I had this sense that it would be a bit beyond my comfort zone and not the safest idea for a single 30 year old female, but I’ve trusted God time after time in some of the most outrageous of His plans, and always seen Him prove faithful, so I have no doubts in this one too. That’s when it happened. I took that tiny seedling and I wrapped my tiny 2 year old fingers tightly around it, shoved it deep into my pocket and started conjuring up my own dreams of how that was going to look. I had twisted the simplicity of the plan He had put in my heart and began thinking He was calling me to get more education (which He was) and then return to Mozambique, move into a more rural community and then share Christ and help transform lives from a malnutrition clinic of some sort.

As I began listening to Him closely and loosening my grips on the plans I had begun making, He started revealing His true vision for the next chapter of my life. I started acknowledging that since February I’ve felt God telling me that my time for this next chapter is back here in Nashville and after all this time of being home, it’s only been in the last few months I’ve finally felt released to get back involved in my community, replanting roots that I was honestly a bit scared to start putting back down. I’ve felt Him speaking to me on how to meld all of this together.....I have been blessed with an amazing part-time job at Baptist hospital as a nurse that gives me the time, flexibility, and finances (while living extremely missionally) to share the rest of my life as a missionary here in America-tent making along the way. I’m praying with and talking to a missions group based out of the States which would allow me to help them prepare, plan, lead, and mentor small teams to developing nations working alongside indigenous missionaries and focusing on community health and transformation projects...starting sometime in Jan (hopefully depending on my finances with finishing off paying for school)...but I also feel very led to how my life should look when I am here on the ground in the States. God has been speaking to me very specifically about moving to East Nashville and living and walking life alongside a community....which is where that vision He had planted, which I twisted, and then He not quite so gently untwisted, and firmly revealed to me, comes very apparently crashing back in again.

To some of you the mention of East Nashville means nothing….to others your first thought is of the super trendy part with the cute shops, local restaurants, ect is. But that’s not quite the part I’m talking about (though that’s less than 2 miles away). I’ve been looking in a small area of East Nashville on the other side of the Cumberland River from downtown called Cleveland park which has the highest African and Sub-Saharan Africa descendants (about 10%) living in it than any other Nashville neighborhood, predominately African-American populated, with the highest single-mother headed households in Nashville, and a higher rate of childhood poverty (those falling below the US federal poverty line). This brings along with it other problems such as higher rates of high school drop outs, higher crime rates, drug use, prostitution, ect. I’m sure for those of you who hadn’t already thought I was crazy, are now beginning to speculate on how crazy I just might be…..well for those of you who are still with me and haven’t quite wanted to pick up the phone and tell me I might be crazy before reading to the end of this….there’s still time. Cause that’s not quite where it ends….God’s been speaking volumes and opening doors wide open for me to not just live and walk alongside this community but to purchase a home there and physically live there. So that’s where I am… I finished up with school the first week of August and began praying seriously about whether or not I had heard God correctly on the whole home-ownership in the middle of a transitional neighborhood thing correctly or not with my part-time job situation (which if you had tried to sell me on all this 8 months ago I would have laughed in your face and told you that YOU were the crazy one) all while picking up as many shifts at work as they’d possibly let me. I’ve been trying to figuring out how to connect and weave together living here, planting roots, with looking internationally. And during this time a few song lyrics were stuck in my head that God used to continue speaking to me….

Lead me to the Cross-HillSong

“Everything I once held dear/I count it all as lost/Lead me to the cross/Where your love poured out/Bring me to my knees/Lord I lay me down/Rid me of myself/I belong to you/Lead me, lead me to the cross”

Slumber-Need to Breathe

“All these victims stand in line for/The crumbs that fall from the table./Just enough to get by/All the while your invitation…/Wake on up from your slumber/Baby, open up your eyes”

Blessings-Laura Story

"We pray for healing/For Prosperity/We pray for your mighty hand/To ease our suffering/All the while you hear each spoken need/Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things/…../What if my greatest disappointments or the achings of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?"

The truth is, I know I’m not called to a life of complacency or much of a life that looks anything like what most would call, the American Dream….and I’m more than ok with that. Cause I’ve been blessed beyond belief and have more than enough….and what I feel most led to do is share that with those people around us whose blessings are going to come when the Church stands up and pours out the blessings God has entrusted them to use for His glory….there’s a quote that goes something like….”Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering and injustice when He could do something about it." "Well, why don't you ask Him?" "Because I am afraid He would ask me the same question." My response is…I’m not afraid He would…I KNOW He would….and I know this, cause He does…..daily. I feel ever indebted to those of you who continue walking this journey with me, praying with me, holding my hand, encouraging me, giving me such wise counsel, and helping me continually seek Him in all of this. Ya’ll are amazing and I couldn’t continue to serve Him here at home or abroad without the sum of all of you. I’m excited, a bit anxious, and hopeful about this next season, but I know one thing for sure….God has already gone before me, is completely in each of these details, and all things will hold together for His glory (Colossians 1:17)….and in that…I’m completely at peace.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining me on this journey….I’m aiming to keep you more updated now that I know where I’m headed and what I’m doing and things are speeding along now (oh and now that I finally have a LOT more time on my hands with school being done).

I want to let go

2011-07-13T07:16:00.000+02:00

My name is Erin and I'm a control freak.

Ever since I was little. I blogged before http://emptyhandedbutalive.blogspot.com/2009/08/lord-is-good.html that sometime back in college, God really did amazing things in my life, molding, and perfecting the personality He created and gave me into a more Christ-like one that was a lot less me-world-centered. And this was one of the big areas He helped me um tweak. But when I get stressed, or tired, there's tons of changes all at once in my life or something is too big, it comes out again, albeit in super minor forms compare to my high school and college days. My need to control things sneaks into the quiet moments. And while I rarely have an incessant need to make sure all the cups' handles are at exactly the same angle any more, there's one area of my life, that I can't seem to completely unwrap my fingers from. And this amazingly bad habit is ashamedly with God.

It's kinda funny cause I'm not even really a worrier. Cause, duh, it's out of my control. There's really no use, right? And I really try hard to press in and turn to God for every decision I make in all parts of my life to seek guidance and His plan. I earnestly want to be at the absolute center of His will for my life at all times no matter the cost. I lift my hands up in worship and get down on my knees pleading for a glimmer of how to move next and He does what He always does....He gives me the next step or the rough draft. ok, He doesn't deal in rough drafts, but He knows that if He gives me the full thing, I'd prob. run screaming in the opposite direction....so He tends to give me little tiny steps or rough ideas without all the mind numbing super scary (to me) details. It's a great psychology tactic. And God is seriously the master of it in my life. Get me to say yes to one thing...anything so I'll stop being so stubborn, quit stomping my feet, and you can get me to say yes to anything after that. You just have to get me to stop saying no first. So I get His plan and the peace and hope that He always gives me with it....what comes with knowing He's taking care of the rest and that I'm just along for the ride. He's always faithful in giving me this indescribable peace when He tells me where He's working in my life and what I need to do. To date, His plans have never failed, never been too much for Him, never not worked out absolutely beautifully. And yet, that's when the ugliness creeps back in. The flesh centered, 2 year old grubby fingered, control-freak in me rears its ugly head. And before I know it, I've taken the beauty God's given me and smashed it up into my fist and wrapped my fingers so tight around it my knuckles are white. And THEN I try to do it on my own. Major fail. Now, I mean, I'm an analytical, detail-oriented, expert planner who can take something and make it happen. But it is NEVER going to be as good as God is going to do it. And I know for sure I kick some of the middle men out in the process who God wants to use for His purposes either in my life or theirs during that journey. Cause, hello, it's easier to do it myself. Less people to mess it up, right? See where this is going....down a dark, ugly path.

It's not really about the end result....it's the journey in the middle. The process, the work part, the trust and faith in Him to follow Him part which is where all the good stuff happens. It's where He changes us and others and brings glory to Him in the process. It's those tiny surprises He throws at us because He knows our hearts better than we even do. He cares for us so immensely that He so delights in providing for us in ways that man never can. And it always amazes me that I would want to spoil that time and time again. Then i wonder why I'm struggling, or feeling overwhelmed, or like I'm drowning. Usually, after I stop to catch my breath, I notice, it's cause God entrusted some amazing plan to me, something He wants me to join Him in, and I put it in my fist shoved it deep into my dress pockets so the dream wouldn't fall out while I went merrily along my life. And in the process, I stifled what God really wants to do. I stopped asking Him how and when and what. Oh how I LOVE that He has such amazing grace for me, such mercy. He sits so patiently, waiting for me to come sit back at His feet, to open up my hands, offer it back up, and together we watch as HE unfolds the story. I'm trying so hard to not do it again.....

I want to let go, I'm weary and bound

I'm giving it up and laying it down,

Take it away, out of my hands

Out of my reach and safe in your plans

'Cause I need to know, that you can hear me

Fill me with your peace, yeah, and cover me gently,

Like only you can...

So take me, and hold me, break me and mold me, oh

Take me, and hold me, break me and mold me

I want to let go

Cradle my hands, knuckles so white

Open them up, and say it's alright, oh

Show me a plan, call it your own

Make it a journey, leading me home

'Cause I need to know, that you can hear me,

Fill me with your peace, yeah, and cover me gently,

Like only you can...

So take me, and hold me, break me and mold me, oh

Take me, and hold me, break me and mold me

I want to let go

-Lindsay McCaul

While I didn't write this....it's exactly, every word of it, how I feel. And what I know God is whispering in my ear...

Dear friends, please join me in praying I don't get all 2 year old grubby fisted on this one.....I'm trying desperately to daily lay it back down at His feet and seek His will in each of these next steps, to follow Him in what I believe He's calling me to do this next season....and allowing Him to do all the detailing and planning and dreaming for me.

I want to let go, I'm weary and bound

I'm giving it up and laying it down,

Take it away, out of my hands

OUT of MY reach and SAFE in YOUR plans

Whatever you're doing inside of me

2011-07-03T23:35:00.002+02:00

I have 4 more weeks of grad school and I cannot tell you how excited that makes me feel. For lots of reasons....less stress; no more studying; freedom to read for fun and attack the mounds of books I’ve been waiting to read, but can’t muster up the motivation on top of the hours I spend for schoolwork; more free time to delve into God and join Him in what He’s doing around me; free time to spend with people around me whom I love and feel like I have such little time to offer them; and time to get prepared for this next season. Speaking of the next season, I feel like once again I’m in a season of transition as grad school is finishing up and I’m looking forward to what God has for me next. And in this, I know it’s going to bring something new in me and for me through Him. The song below has been playing in my head on repeat and I swear it’s on the radio every time I get in the car, but I feel like every single word of it has been my life over the last 6 months or so and will continue to be in this transition period. I love that every day is new with Him and that He is constantly changing me, drawing me closer to Him. It’s a continual process and won’t stop until the moment I take my last breath. God is always doing something in my life, perfecting me into the likeness of His image. These days, it’s just in a super concentrated amount as He’s helping me shed the old and put on the new and it’s exciting (and chaotic) to wait on Him and watch Him work.

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Reevaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender

To whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

Though It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This is something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

-Sanctus Real

Our pastor said this during his sermon this morning….”Faith is not what you believe about God, but the things you do because of what you believe about God.” Simply put, it’s our belief in action. Is it really faith that those things you say you believe are true if you can’t or don’t put them into action? It always takes an extraordinary amount of faith for me to surrender to the things I know He’s doing in my life, allow Him to do the work, prune away, and wait on Him for my next step. To allow myself to believe that despite the fact that it feels chaotic and doesn’t make sense, and is completely contrary to the world, that it is worth it, is completely the best for me, and is going to be so amazingly good. To allow Him to lead and for me to simply follow the path He has laid out for me. Pushing down my “self” daily and keeping my eyes fully on Him. And I know that not only this transition season but the next chapter too is going to stretch that.

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Navarre Beach Week

2011-07-03T23:17:00.000+02:00

This past week I got to spend 7 days with most of my immediate and a big portion of my extended family. And it was such a blessing. After spending so much time away and missing out on times like this as well as holidays and family events, it is just simply so nice to be blessed with the time to spend with my family. Most of them I hadn’t seen in almost 7 months because even though I’m back in the States, my schedule with school and work have kept me pretty close to Nashville. But this is what I always missed the most when I was living in Mozambique.

I love these guys! Oh yeah, and the beach was pretty nice too!

Shifting Passions

2011-06-06T05:57:00.000+02:00

This particular post is going to share 2 purposes. I want to begin sharing with ya'll where God is leading me as He makes it more clear to me. And for those of you who know me best, you know I work things out and make sense of things by processing either verbally or in some written form and so here's some of the process.

Over the last 3 weeks I have started to sense God urging me to let go of some things and refocus back on Him and the new things He has for me in this next season of my life...after all, I feel like I've been waiting for forever (or just the last year) to know where He wants me and what this next season will look like and yet, I found myself being scared (again) to let Him show me what that looked like in the off chance (or the very likely chance) that it will look different than my limited earthly view of visions and dreams I'm holding on to. So I started spending some very concentrated time with the Lord reflecting on the places He has brought me out of, how He has led me, where I am now, who I am as the woman He has created me to be, and where He is taking me. Last Monday, I posted after a day of spending time doing just that and it led me to start pushing doors I believe God is opening for me (which I will share as I have more information and clearer vision). But during that time He revealed things that I want to share with you here as I continue to work through them as well.

In Feb I posted about clinging to the cross and how often times I get something stuck in my head and heart (not always seemingly bad and sometimes even something God has promised or revealed to me) and then I hold tight to it with the grubby fat fingers of a two year old that believes if they let go they will lose it forever so focused on what is in the palm of their hand and the moment they are living in. Blinders fully on to the eternalness of God. And at that time I KNEW that God was trying to tell me I was clinging on to some vision He had once given me and since that time I had taken it, treasured it up in my heart, and then greedily wrapped by 2 year old fingers around it, making a fist, scared to let go, grab hold of Him, and let Him make that vision a reality. Monday, God pointed me back to that post to remind me He had been working that out in my heart and getting me to a place where when I sat in the church pew a month ago yesterday I could utter a prayer and fully let GO and let GOD. In fact, I had even forgotten about that prayer until Monday. And God brought it to mind as I wrestled with the reality that God was doing something new and I was the one who had finally given Him permission to do it a month ago when I knelt before Him and said I want your vision, your dream, your ministry to be fulfilled in me so my life can point others to Christ no matter WHAT that looks like EVEN IF it means sacrificing and letting go of the visions and dreams I have been treasuring up in my heart. My past experiences with God have told me time and time again that He is good and will come through on all these things that He has given me but only if I let Him and only in His time and only in the ways He has planned to best glorify Him and bless me in the process....which rarely looks like what my two year old mind can conjour up because honestly....I have such a small, 5 ft in front of me, earlthy, noncreative view of the work He is doing and He says there are no limits or bounds to how He can bless and what He can do....Why would I choose to stifle that? While I'll never understand that, I'll definately never understand how He can be so patient with me while I continously act like that 2 year old who should know better after all these years. He never stop pursuing me, waiting on me, calling me, using me, and blessing me. And for that I am face to the ground thankful. So as I sat in church that day, I gave it all over (again) to Christ and asked Him to guide my next steps and show me the plan He had as I was ready to serve Him and follow Him even if it looked completely contrary to what I had been envisioning.

And He did. And after I wrote that post acknowledging that I was going to begin pushing those doors and inviting you to pray with me, He led me to go back and read my post from Jan where I revisited Dino death at the one year mark. And in that post, the pain was still real and the passion He has placed in my heart that had led me to Mozambique and Iris Ministries was apparent to me. I remember still daily struggling with feeling my heart divided between that passion and the preperation phase I was in for serving Him again in that way. And a funny thing happened. As I sat there reading that post.....I felt like I was reading something someone else had written. I could remember having all of those feelings and how real they had been, but as I sat there, I didn't have the same passions or feelings and I knew God had moved me from that spot to the spot where I was sitting reading that post and I hadn't even noticed. So I spent this week knowing that God had removed the passion He had placed in my heart that led me to serve Him those 2 years because He was replacing it with a NEW passion....but I desired to know what that new passion would be and how He was asking me to use it to serve Him in this next season. So I pressed in and spent this week asking Him to show me.

Tonight as I was in prayer and worship time, I felt God showing me, making it clearer, what He's been revealing to me over the past 2 months or so. The shift in my passions. While I was in Moz my passion had been to LOVE the children and Mozambicans and missionaries He placed in my life with the love He had given me so I could see individual lives TRANSFORMED by Him. He brought to mind so many images of the children and people I served who were dead inside and out when I first met them....there was no life or light in their eyes and they were spiritually, physically, or emotionally (or all 3) ill. Through prayer, maybe a little medicine, and a lot of Godly LOVE these people and tiny lives entrusted into my hands for a period had been transformed....their mourning being replaced with dancing; their ashes replaced by a crown. And when Meghann sends me pictures of these beautiful children and kids a year after I have left I know the sacrifices I made during that period and all God poured into me and I poured out onto them was WELL worth it. I see their smiles and LIFE and love and light pouring out of their lives and I know so many individual lives have been transformed. But while I was there, I remember starting to have a change in that passion near the end....a passion to see COMMUNITIES TRANSFORMED in the same way He was transforming these tiny lives and I wanted to be a part of that. It was one of the reasons I came home in the first place. To recieve more education to be able to help participate in that.

And now, I feel Him ushering in a new passion (well a renewal of what was started as I was leaving Moz...but like I said, I've been clinging to the old)....one to see communities and countries transformed by Him. And in that, He's been reminding me of one of the things I missed the most when I was in Moz....walking life and mentoring other women....pouring into people as they found their footing in God and sought to serve Him and attempted to walk with Him while still in the chaos of this fallen world we live in. I miss sharing those struggles and those joys...the heartache and the tears as well as the celebration and thanksgiving as we would watch God work everything out for good...in fact better than we had imagined it and better than we could have asked for. And so now I'm seeking Him and watching Him meld those two things, those 2 passions together....walking alongside others and helping them seek to serve God while helping be a part of community transformation in countries that do not have hope or see the light of God because they are daily confronted with heartache and pain and death and cannot imagine a life or even one single day that could be better than the moment they are in. And I am asking ya'll to come alongside of me in prayer as I seek how God is going to use me to serve Him with these passions He is placing in my heart which are growing daily. That I will keep laying down those things I had treasured up which pale in comparison to the things of God so that He can fully use me as I cling to Him instead. I'm praying and seeking through a ministry door I believe God is opening and I cannot wait to share it with you when the time is right and God gives me more clarity on it, as for now, it is just in the beginning stages, but I'm excited to see the next mission field He is opening for me! Thanks for walking with me!

Getting you (and me) up to speed....

2011-05-31T05:45:00.000+02:00

First, I wanna say yesterday marked 1 full year since I left Mozambique and I have to say that some days it seems like a blink and more and more days now, it seems like a whole other lifetime. But as I look back over this year at where I've been and who I was when I first arrived back to where God's brought me and who I am now....I see God's hand all over it. His provisions, His blessings, sweet moments and people He's brought into my life, such restoration, and just deeper relationship with Him. And most days, I feel like I have no clue where He's leading me....nothing new here I guess, but I have immense peace in that. As I can't remember a time He told me to trust Him and follow Him or made promises that He didn't fulfill....and so even though I expected to only be home for 6 months, which turned into 1 yr and I know will be more (at least Jan as I've mentioned previously)....I cannot wait to see what's next. And I know it will be good.

Second, I can't believe it's been 4 months since I last updated....hmmm...time has a way of escaping me. For those of you who don't get my (less than monthly at the moment) updates, you're out of the loop a bit and I'll try to catch you up in about 30 seconds or less. Here goes.....

Winter was cold. Very cold. I hate winter. And somehow I managed to fly south for the last 4 winters and my body was NOT happy with me this year. Alas, winter has come and gone and I'm now excited summer and the heat is back! I finished my second semester at UAB (in March) and first semester at UNC (end of April) and I'm still convinced my professors have simply quit reading my papers....I'm not sure why they still keep giving me A's. Though I will not complain. I applied for a scholarship through UAB's Global Outreach center to attend a 14 day World Hunger and Malnutrition training program at SIFAT (Servants in Faith and Technology) in Lineville, AL and got it! I had one week off at the beginning of May and then all 4 of my classes (UNC and UAB combined) started right back up again. Ah school. So I just got back (Saturday) from those 2 weeks of learning insanely wonderful skills like solar cooking, drying leaves to make leaf powder, how to build (and use) fuel efficient cook stoves, urban gardening, and the list goes on. All the while working on school work after 12 hr long days. I might be crazy (though that's not really new to many of you). While there I met some incredible people, had some really amazing conversations and prayer time and spent the day today praying through a bunch of things I feel like God has just started revealing to me over the past month or so (but possibly and more likely, longer since I'm pretty stubborn and hard headed). I would LOVE to share (and you know I will) but only after I gain a bit more insight and clarity from God and see a bit more direction....but I have to admit, I'm kinda excited about what this next chapter might hold for me (I'll finish up both graduate certificate programs the first week in August-Praise the LORD!).

Join me in praying for a peace as I sit and wait on God to reveal my next step in serving Him, to let Him open doors, to fully trust in something I think might not look anything like I had planned (though that's not really new to me either), for discernment as I pray through options and start conversations with organizations I believe He's leading me to start exploring, and for the strength to simply say YES in the places I feel Him urging me to say yes in even when it makes absolutely no logical sense to me at all! I am so blessed to have each of you in my life and love that ya'll give me such grace when I go silent for whole months at a time! You know how much your prayers and emails and words mean to me! Keep them coming and I hope to be able to share more with you in the coming weeks to months as God reveals more! So that was probably an African version of 30 seconds....forgive me. How bout some (I mean lots) pics from the last 2 weeks and all I learned at SIFAT.

Yeah....we ate bugs. Apparently, they are nutritious. And tasty??

We built a solar dryer to dry leaves on.....

Then we learned how to pick, clean, and dry the leaves....

process them and make leaf cookies (which are suprisingly yummy)

and then we started on the pasta....

which was amazing.

I helped make a garden in a swimming pool

yup...we used cans under that blanket....

I think there is still red clay under my nails from that....

and before I left on Sat...we had beans sprouting which is pretty amazing since I physically touched those seeds before they went into the ground...me and my black thumb. I don't give them another wk of life. Sad.

We also used tires.....

and gutters.

Next we made solar cookers.

I know what you're thinking...no way that cardboard and tinfoil is going to cook anything....

Same thing I thought....so the next day we tried rice and chicken.....

and after 3 hrs.....

Yeah-It was delicious. ;)

We mixed up clay to make bricks

There may have been a clay fight.....

But in the end we built a stove...a fuel efficient stove that WORKED.

and it was virtually smokeless.

And then our Guatamalan cook showed us how to make Tortillas by hand

And I made a slightly less perfect version.....we cooked it on our stoves

and it still tasted just as yummy!

It was such a blessing to be with these men and women for 14 days, share life and talks and coffee (lots of coffee) and talk missions while learning some incredible life changing, community building skills! I can't wait to use them....just as soon as God tells me how and when!

Clinging

2011-02-02T06:31:00.000+02:00

I love that God beats me over the head with stuff. Ok, love's not the right word. So you know those times when God keeps speaking to you about the same thing through every different capacity possible?.....maybe not? maybe you were a bit wiser in listening the first time? I've come to the conclusion that I'm doomed by genetics to be hard headed in a bazillion areas of my life (and yes, blaming it on genetics makes me feel better about it) and well.....God doesn't give up so that's good for both of us.

Over the last 2 weeks it has been on the topic of clinging. There's this song that I've loved for a long time, but most recently I feel like God keeps reminding me of it and it keeps coming up in my worship time-corporately and privately and thus the words keep spinning over and over again in my head. The lyrics that I can't get out of my head are "Simply to the cross I cling, letting go of all earthly things, I'm clinging to the cross. Mercy's found a way for me. Hope is here as I am free. Jesus, you are all I need. I'm clinging to the cross." So I wasn't sure why or what I needed this message for and then....enter Beth Moore.

I love this woman as much as you can love someone you have never met or personally communicated with. If you have never done one of her Bible Studies....you should. This woman cracks me up, challenges me, encourages me, and simply put, brings a little Church into every session. Anyway, I'm studying Revelation with a group of girls from my church (and Beth of course) and last night she said something that I completely know and believe and dealt with before, but still somehow shook me. Now I get the joy of processing and praying through it and deciphering why God keeps beating me over the head with this. She said something along the lines of you will either hang onto (insert whatever it is emotion/physical thing/dream/fear here) or you will hang onto your first love (God) but you CANNOT hang on to BOTH. You have to let go of (insert whatever it is here) in order to cling to Him/the cross.

Ok, so now what the heck does this mean for me?? Since I don't have a clear answer on this one yet, I'm just guessing that I'm either a-not listening hard enough or b-(gasp) not wanting to hear the answer (doesn't sound a bit like me at all, huh?). Hmmmm..........so I'll be praying about this in the next days and weeks to come (aka as long as it takes for God to get through to me) and hoping a few of you will join me. I'm putting this on here, cause I'm hoping it will keep me accountable to doing just that.

A week of reflection

2011-01-17T06:03:00.000+02:00

This week I was reminded of how fast time passes when you aren't looking and how far God brings us...all the details that are worked out and all the plans He has for us that I, personally, cannot even dream up. This last week marked one year since a little boy (Dino) I had the privilege of knowing, loving, and serving left this harsh world and leapt into the arms of Jesus. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this made for a hard week....a week of questions, reflection, praying, and lots of reminiscing. Dino was this amazing little toddler that so embodied Christ's love and was such a beautiful picture of redemption. And while I'll never really fully understand why God decided it was time for him to leave earth, I'll always stand firm in completely knowing and believing that God used that little boy in a mighty powerful way while he was living and walking on this earth and has continued using him over and over since his passing to bring glory to God's kingdom. So I spent the week rereading the blogs I had written during Jan and into March when his death was quickly followed by sweet Gracinha's passing and how broken I had been in those moments. Oh how much perspective we gain when we aren't in the midst of situations. The situation was confounded by the fact that during that time period we were severely short-handed in the nursing world, I was way overworked, overstressed, and emotional/physically/spiritually beyond exhaustion. I was processing a new calling that God had been speaking to me about-going back to the States, starting grad school, and returning to Moz in a very different capacity in a much more rural part of the country. And I was attempting to come to grips with the end of my time in Zimpeto and all the goodbyes that would bring-to children that I had seen be transformed from brokeness to LIFE, that held pieces of my heart; missionaries that had walked life with me and become such close friends; Mozambicans that I had poured into for 2 years, watched grow in their faith, knowledge, and character, women that had become my friends; a country and culture that I loved and had become so much a part of me with all it's good, bad, and everything in between; and a language that sometimes has me confused when I attempt to switch back to English and sometimes makes a bit more sense with it's lyrical sound. So Dino was kinda the final straw.

But this week as I talked with friends on different continents that have walked this same journey with me, held hands with me, prayed with and for me, offered their shoulders, and ignored my anger, sadness, tears, and frustration while simultaneously celebrating the joy and victory at the same time I realized a few things.....how much I miss Moz daily and how ready I am to be back there (and this one fact I kinda wrestle with daily, but I think I'm getting really good at putting it on the back burner and semi ignoring it most days), but in the exact same breathe how much I want my return to be in the exact perfect timing of God, in the right situation, right location, and right job with the right ministry. and that moment is not right now. and you know what? I don't think I could say any of these things with a lot of certainty or truthfulness if God hadn't been doing so much in my life since a year ago but most importantly over the last 7 months since I've been home. I think most of you knew from emails, phone calls, newsletters, and perhaps even through blogs, how right the timing was for me to be back home.....I so much needed the time for rest, healing, and to simply be blessed by God.....which, when I struggle the most with being home and the timing of it all, is when God reminds me of how right it was and is and how much He is using this time I'm home to do something new in my life....how much I need this time of preparation (spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually) before I return back to the mission field. I'm truly overwhelmed by it and thankful for it most days. I see it in all the details He has laid out for me before I came home, and daily since I've been here.

And in case I don't say it enough to ya'll in person......I am truly thankful for each of you that continue to stand by me through this entire journey no matter how crazy it all seems....for those of you that simply sit quietly and listen to me vent and speak my heart even though I know you don't really have the words to make it right...know that just your willingness to sit with me is more than enough and means a lot to me....for those of you that continue to pray with me and for me during this time and for the future that God has for me....and for those of you that encourage me and give me wisdom, speaking the truth into my life even when I might not want to hear it! Ya'll are all awesome and I am truly blessed that God has brought you into my life and alongside me for this journey. Thanks.

You are good, You are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love, You are love

On display for all to see

You are light, You are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true

Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life

In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing no other name

Jesus, Jesus

My heart will sing no other name

Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

-Lyrics by Jason Ingram & Ruben Morgan

Mozambique Video

2011-01-08T11:50:00.000+02:00

I'm excited to let ya'll finally view the video I mentioned months ago since most everyone that needed to see it in person during my visits have seen in.......so here it is. It's 12.5 minutes. I'm pretty sure it is worth the wait for the few of you that have been waiting in intense anticipation since I first mentioned it. I hope it blesses you and really reminds you of how much this journey is just not me and God's.....but belongs to each of you as well. Thank you so much for each and every single you have spent praying for me, writing emails, thinking of me, sending me encouragement, wisdom, and truth, as well as finances, goody packages, and long skype conversations (especially those that had 5000 dropped calls in like 10 min and yet you still stuck with me). Thanks for the hugs and shoulders (virtual and real), for bearing through the tears and hard times and most definately for celebrating with me and God on all the victories. Myself, the children I served, and the Mozambicans and other missionaries I served with have been eternally changed-in this life and forever. I really cannot repay you or tell you thanks enough. Enjoy!

Mozambique: Changing Statistics 2008-2010 from Erin Welton on Vimeo.

Well past time for an update

2011-01-08T11:37:00.000+02:00

I'm not even going to make excuses. If you get my monthly updates (which clearly haven't been so montly lately) nothing's new or different cept for the pictures. Let's see.....we shall start in November.

November

Grad school finished up (UAB’s program runs for 9 weeks and very intensively at that) and by the end of that time I had written 34 papers for 4 different classes. I managed to squeak out all A’s…I have no clue how. I attended a Christian Global Missions Conference in Louisville, KY for 3 days where I was able to network with other current and future missionaries, talk about the realities of missions, get information on some cool opportunities with different organizations/projects, and just worship God together as about 1000 people with a heart to serve the Lord both here at home and abroad. It was an amazing time. Then, I headed up to Cleveland, OH to speak at 3 services of one of my supporter churches-Stow Presbyterian Church, while getting the chance to spend time with my dad’s side of the family and my grandmother. I was also able to have brunch with a young girl who’s just working through her heart for missions God’s been speaking to her about, as well as visit with 2 of my dear friends I worked with in Maputo, Mozambique who are off the mission field for the time being and living in and around Cleveland/Akron, OH. Immediate and extended family came to my place over Thanksgiving in Nashville and it was really a blessing.

December

I celebrated my 30th birthday with some close friends in Nashville. I was blessed to spend 7 days back in New Orleans with family for an early Christmas as well as another cousin’s wedding. Auburn won the SEC championship in football (very important stuff) and it was decided they would play for the national championship (even more important stuff). I found out that University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill had accepted me into their graduate certificate program in Maternal and Child Health (online) through their public health college. My trusty car died and could not be resurrected for less than 5,500 dollars, so the decision was made to sell it and I’m not borrowing a car from my parents until I leave again. I worked through Christmas here in Nashville, but was able to get home for 5 days right after that to celebrate Christmas late with my immediate family and then ring in the New Year. During that time, I got to see and hold one of my high school gal’s first baby and visit with my dear friend and fellow nurse, Meghann for 24 hours who was home on respite from Mozambique. That’s the stuff I miss when I’m over in Mozambique.

January

This first week of Jan may be coming to a close but it’s already been full. I drove up to UNC for a 3.5 day intensive leadership seminar/graduate program orientation. It’s the only time I’ll have to be on campus for the 2 semester program. I met the girls I’ll be chatting and working on group projects online with over these next 2 semesters, learned a lot about myself through the personality and leadership development tools we did, and found out how the program works. I’m so excited about this opportunity. And now after what feels like an eternity of being away from Nashville, I’m back here….filling ya’ll in and getting ready to start semester #2-3 graduate classes (2 thru UNC and 1 thru UAB) on Monday. The assignments are already looming before me.

The future.....So most of ya’ll are probably wondering where I’m headed and what all this means…..good question. My heart is still burning to be back in Mozambique and I can’t wait for the moment I get to stop off that plane and back into the sticky heat and humidity of the African continent. I think about it and pray about it all the time. On the grad school front, both certificate programs-UAB and UNC (all 26 hours worth) will be finished up in a total of 3 semesters (at the end of this coming August). I’m hoping and yearning to be back on the field in Mozambique as early as September, but I know that a-this may not be the exact perfect timing for God and b-realistically grad school costs have gone up and those costs have to be paid off before I return and c-the holidays will be coming up, school will have literally finished, and I might need a bit of a break before I hit the ground running again-allowing me to see all of ya’ll again and continue working to pay off the rest of grad school costs. Leaving in Jan would allow me to get on a schedule of being gone for 10 months and home for 2 at the holidays. At this point, I’m still praying through and searching for the ministry God is calling me to work with when I return to Mozambique. I feel like it will be a 3-5 year commitment and that requires a lot of prayer and thought for a decision like that. Our God is big and prayers in this area are much needed and appreciated. As much as I want to be back on the field, I know it has to be with the right project and in His right timing or it’s all doomed. Please pray with me.

Finances are an area God is really continuing to bless me in through all of you. At this point I’m living off about ½ the amount of monthly support I had coming in compared to when I was on the field. This covers medical insurance, rent/utilities, and food. Everything from my part-time job is covering grad school and so far it’s worked out to the penny every month. The first semester of grad school has been paid off and I’m just hoping that I can keep up with that as it was only ¼ of what I’m going to have to pay over the entire 3 semesters. I’ve been getting cancelled at work lately due to my unit’s low census and while that, at times, makes me a little nervous to cover everything…..it has all completely worked out-Praise to God and all of you who sent me the extra donations you didn’t know I needed and on which I wasn’t counting. Ya’ll have truly blessed me.

Super Important Changes in HOW to donate to me

A few changes have been made and I wanted to let everyone know that Fellowship Bible Church in Nashville, TN will no longer be able to accept donations for me through their website or by check. If you are a regular monthly supporter, you will be getting an email shortly with more details and what to do from here on out as well as how this affects us both. In the meantime, if anyone would like to donate, please contact me by email (weltoem@msn.com) for the best way to do so (you have a few options). Thanks again for continuously sharing with me what God has blessed you with! I am always overwhelmed by your generosity!

2 more papers....

2010-11-03T04:34:00.000+02:00

I seriosly don't know where the time goes. I can't believe it's already November!

Classwork finished 2 weeks ago for grad school stuff and I've just been working on my 4 final papers to finish it all out. 2 down and 2 more to go and this semester will be OVER. I've written 30 papers for a total of 160 pages so far. All but the last 2 were done in a total of 9 consecutive weeks. Just 2 more super long ones to go. YIKES. I'm so done writing papers.

Since the last time I wrote:
-I had the chance to participate in a good friend from high school's wedding in Charleston, SC. My mom and I made the trip down and it was just so nice to spend a whole weekend together out of our crazy lives and something I haven't really had the chance to do in almost 3 years.

-I also got the opportunity to jet back down to New Orleans for 5 days for a cousin's wedding and some good family time.

-I went to SIFAT for the green leaf concentrate seminar in collaboration with my professor at UAB and the Honor's college there as well. It was such a great opportunity and opened a bit of a door for me to possibly return to SIFAT in May for 10 days between spring and summer semester to recieve intensive training in world hunger and malnutrition as well as how to use appopriate technologies (read: simple and hands-on) to help combat this in developing nations. It's a super cool opportunity and I'm really praying about making this happen as I know I would use it on almost a daily basis!

-I applied to University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill's graduate certificate program in maternal child health (just like UAB's, but in a different concentration area) and am just waiting and praying for the answer back.

-I've been trying to (and still am) working completely full time while school's out and until the beginning of Jan when school starts back up again to pay off all these school loans. Crazy. But, I love the girls I work with, the job, the hospital, and being back on nightshift. It's GREAT!!!! I'm so blessed! God is so GOOD!!!

What's in front of me??

I can't wait for the missions conference I mentioned last time that's in just 2 weeks. I'm really praying that God will make some good connections there and perhaps open some doors or windows into what the next road looks like for me after I finish grad school. I would love for you to pray with me on this.

Then it's up to Ohio to give a talk at 3 services at a church that has been supporting me for the last year and continues to do so while I'm home. I'm pumped. While I'm there I'll also get so visit family and 2 missionaries I worked with while in Mozambique!

My immediate family and dad's side of the family is headed to Nashville to have Thanksgiving at my house which is awesome. It'll be a full November.

Back to New Orleans for a week for another cousin's wedding, an early Christmas (since I'm working all during Christmas) and lots of family time.

Then home to Clemson for a week right after Christmas and to see one of my high school gal's new baby...I'm pumped!!!! These next few weeks are just going to fly right on by as well.....oh and I turn 30 somewhere in there........YEAH!!!!

Prayer Points:
-UNC graduate application
-the missions conference in Louisville, KY
-speaking at Stow Presbyterian Church in Ohio on Nov. 21st
-opportunity to attend World Hunger 10 day intensive training in May

A little update on me

2010-09-23T18:26:00.000+02:00

Let's see....wow the weeks are flying by and I've been wanting to get out an official update, but well....did I mention the weeks are flying by? Basically I've been....

sleeping, studying, studying, studying, eating, sleeping, studying, studying, working, studying, sleeping. That probably covers it. If you are a friend living in the Nashville area reading this that thought you would actually get to see me since I lived in the States again....we were BOTH wrong....catch me in 5 more weeks.

Grad school has been amazing and I learn tons every day that is very applicable (I even keep a journal with lots of ideas for when I go back), but it's seriously eating at least 50-60 hours of my week and then I either work 1 or 2 12 hr nightshifts sometime in there amongst the craziness. I'm halfway through week 5 of the 9 weeks for this semester, so I'll get a break soon (till Jan) and start working more with a bit more normal (although still a nightshifter) schedule! You can tell why I rarely leave the house except for groceries, Church and Bible Study, and yoga classes in the evening (practically the only thing that keeps me sane). Don't worry....I do manage to take off 1 period of 24 hrs each week where I do NOTHING school related and just relax, otherwise I would have given this pursuit up by now.

Oh and I've done a "little" travelling on top of all that. Two weekends ago I headed to Clemson for the night, then my mom and I drove to Charleston, SC for the weekend to rest, relax, and celebrate an old highschool girl friend getting married! It was a great weekend and Charleston was gorgeous (as always). Last weekend, I got the chance to go to Auburn, AL (War Eagle!) and see many college friends as well as my sister. Plus, I was blessed with 2 FREE tickets to the Auburn vs Clemson game....so my sister and I wore opposing colors and took turns screaming and cheering for our team....may I say, the better and best team (AUBURN) won!!!! While there I spoke at the Auburn Wesley Foundation (Methodist Campus Ministry) where I spent 4 years of my life during college serving, learning, fellowshipping, and growing up. I did a suppose-to-be 10 min faithshare that was probably a lot longer (thanks David for being patient with me) for the college students on answering God's call on your life and what that looks like in reality and how to missionally live your life from whereever He has placed you. Then on Monday, I hung around AWF for about 4 hrs while students dropped in and asked tons of questions and chatted with me about life on the mission field, developing countries, and serving God. It was amazing and I met some fabulous men and women. On my way back to Nashville, I stopped by two friends house in Bham and had dinner (and sleep).

Plans for soon:
Oct. 10-12 in Birmingham,AL for a 2 day lecture series with UAB and SIFAT (Servants in Faith and Technology) on using green leaf concentrate to treat malnutrition in developing countries

Oct. 14-19 in New Orleans for wedding and family time

Nov. 11-13 in Louisville, KY for a 3 day Christian Global Medical Missions conference which I am pumped about!!!

Nov. 18-22 in Akron, Ohio to speak at Stow Presbyterian Church (my uncle's and amazing supporters) outside of Akron as well as visiting 2 girls that served with me at Zimpeto in Mozambique and family time!

Dec. 17?-20? in New Orleans for wedding and early Christmas with family

Did I mention somehow managing to fit 80 hr workweeks in between all of this! Praise the Lord God gave me a remarkable talent for working well in the midst of chaos otherwise I'd be floundering right now. He has been such the sustainer and encourager over these last few weeks for me. Thanks for all the prayers....continue praying and let me know if you would like me to come speak to your church, Bible study group, or whatever.....I'll make it happen, even if my schedule looks a little rediculous. ;)

All is quiet

2010-09-08T03:15:00.000+02:00

I just wanted to update everyone and thank you for prayers! Missionaries at Zimpeto said Monday was quite even though there were lots of rumours of more rioting. The government has decided to add a subsidy to the price of bread so that the price will remain the same as previous....i only wonder where the money is being taken from to fund this subsidy. Anyway, latest article below! Thanks again.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-11216009

more on rioting

2010-09-04T16:57:00.000+02:00

FIRST.....I just got to video skype with 4 of the children and 3 of the missionaries in Zimpeto.....video and voice chat.....they were so close i could almost hug those little necks....believe me. i wanted to!!!! so precious! (thank you meghann for doing this....you've made these last 2 weeks of 50-60 hours of studying each week, well worth it as i remember face to face why i'm here) Praise the Lord for technology!

SECOND....riot updates. Go here to hear the latest from Meghann from Friday (sweet stories of provision). And I have a semi-first hand update since i got to SEE them on their lovely Saturday afternoon.....really quiet in Zimpeto (the area of Maputo the center is in), but still not too many cars on the road. More of the missionaries and workers have gotten out for desperate errnads that need to be run, but nothing more. While it's quiet for the moment, there are calls for more riots on Monday, so continue praying.

As I lay in bed last night, I prayed that the people of Mozambique would turn to the Lord during this time of fear and stress of where their next meal is going to come for or how they will continue providing for their family. God is much bigger than tax increases and money and physical bread. He can and has (on multiple occasions) multiplied food and made mana fall from the heavens. I prayed that instead of rioting and being filled with panic and fear, they would hit their knees and seek God for His provisions and safeguard, gather as communitities and seek His wisdom; that they would submit to the human (but God given)authority over their country and remember God is bigger than all of that and is still in control. I prayed the government officials would turn to Him to seek wisdom on how to deal with the shortages around the world and export tarrifs which is the reason they have to increase prices....that solutions would be revealed. My heart hurts for this country...when you watch sick sick (can't walk 50 meters and have HIV) people tell you they will wait 2 days to go to the doctor because it's cheaper on Monday than the weekend despite your pleading....you understand the decisions and sacrifices they make on a daily basis, making less than $37 per MONTH (which, quite frankily, most of us make in an hour). A 30% increase in your staple food and impending energy and water increases SEEMS impossible.....but my God never sees impossible and NOTHING with Him is impossible....I pray they turn to Him and see the possibilities! Thanks for praying for them and with me....let's continue praying!

more updates

2010-09-03T19:12:00.000+02:00

Reports from missionaries have been that things are a lot quieter today and some of the mozambican staff was able to walk (hours) into the center today to help out because not all the buses were up and runnning. Food supplies for the children were able to be restocked today and a few emergency errands were run by some of the missionaries. It was quieter around the center, but there are still reports of a bit of rioting in the city. There is a call for more rioting on the 6th when 50,000 are supposed to take to the streets.....continue praying for the government and the city of maputo as well as provisions and safety for the center!

link to the latest article from today http://www.reliefweb.int/rw/rwb.nsf/db900sid/MCOI-88XCDC?OpenDocument&rc=1&cc=moz

Riot updates!

2010-09-02T18:46:00.004+02:00

An email from Meghann today stated they were still hearing gunfire outside the center and no cars are on the roadways, due to the rioting and roadblocks set up by rioters. Please continue praying for Maputo and for the safety of the kids at the center!

updated article link re today's rioting: http://www.reliefweb.int/rw/rwb.nsf/db900SID/FERB-88WDDL?OpenDocument&rc=1&cc=moz

Update on riots

2010-09-02T00:36:00.001+02:00

I got 2 emails from missionaries on the base where I lived for the last 2 years...one from the director and one from a nurse that helped with all the Baby House tots....excerpts below in regards to the effects of the riots, God's protection, and prayer needs!

All of the tots are ok tonight! We did have tear gas in the center earlier today and mainly
the girls were affected. They spent most of the day hidden in one of the tiny rooms in the girls' area with wet t-shirts wrapped over their mouths and noses. Other than them, our guards, and a few missionaries getting affected by tear gas, it actually was a quiet day. I was
blown away by God's peace here in the midst of the craziness outside. There was a bus overturned and set on fire outside the center walls,several people killed in the city, lots of noise and gun shots around,the Total station (gas station) down the road was burned down, NONE of our workers could get here...it is terrible out there but God's grace and peace covered us and the kids today. The kids were acting like it was a snow day...no school, movies, and playing ALL day. The affects of tear gas were quick and with no lasting affects. Seriously it was
miraculous. Keep the prayers coming, especially for workers and the government. Aurora (our Mozambican BH nurse) got stranded on her way here this morning. She called in a panic because she couldn't get home and she couldn't get here...they were burning 2 cars in front of her and she was helpless. She eventually found a tia (one of our female Moz workers that cares for children) and is staying at her house until things settle down. Praise God for her safety and so many others.

Today is September 1 and we are in the midst of riots in Maputo. In July this year the price of passports (for Mozambicans) rose 600%, visitor visas 500% and our annual permanent resident documents (for non-nationals claiming residency in Moz) went from $80 to $700 each. Today September 1 the price of a bus ride doubled, bread rose by 30% and the price of a 50 kg bag of rice is more than half a months salary for an average Mozambican (if he is one of the 18% of people that has a job). So today the people rioted -upturned buses and burned them right
outside our base, looted shops, burnt tires, petrol stations and threw rocks and bricks. The city was closed down as were schools and the airport and the official figure is 6 dead.
The police and army are controlling the rioters and streets with tear gas. It is now 4pm (in Moz) and it is quiet. We will wait and see what happens tonight and again in the morning. We are all safe and sound in our compound here -except for runny eyes from tear gas. No workers here
today but the missionaries, educators and children prayed and played together -no school today.
This is Mozambique -still the 6th poorest country in the world and living in such difficult circumstances. Please pray with us for a miraculous breakthrough.

Praise God for His protection so far, but continue praying for them overnight and into the day tomorrow as they see if this will continue! With over 300 children living in the center, continue praying for a hedge of protection surrounding the center!

click on these 2 links for pics taken right outside of our center and reports from 2 of the missionary girls living there: Meghann http://nurseinmozambique.blogspot.com/2010/09/riots-in-streets.html and Emily http://mozambiquetwentyten.blogspot.com/2010/09/riots.html

Emergency PRAYER request

2010-09-01T17:11:00.000+02:00

It's been awhile since I've sent one of these, but I have an emergency request....the city I lived in for the last 2 years, Maputo, Mozambique, is experiencing heavy rioting at the moment. There are protests about the rising cost of food (especially bread) and rioters early this morning (their morning as they are 6-7 hrs ahead) started throwing stones, setting tires on fire, and ransacking shops. The rioting has escalated and though the center where I lived is 45 minutes away from downtown, the baby house children I served are being affected by the tear gas the police have used in attempt to break up the rioters. I know very little as news like this isn't reported very well internationally and I just received a short text msg from a former missionary who had received it from one of our current missionaries there. Please pray! I'll keep updates (as I can get them) on my blog at www.emptyhandedbutalive.blogspot.com as I have a message cap of total messages I can send out during the day! Pray for safety-physical, health, and emotional for the tiny tots that live there, for the Mozambican women that are the primary care givers for these children, but have families/children at home they probably can't get in touch with and don't know if they are ok or not, for the missionaries living there, far from home with worrying family. Give the nurses there knowledge to take care of any of the medical problems that might arise from the use of tear gas and favor of safe passage to the hospital if an emergency with one of the kids would arise (as protesting often leads to major roadblocks). Pray for the rioting to cease and for wisdom for government officials over policies and how they affect the millions of people that can't affect a meal a day in their own country. They have also passed water and electricity price hikes set to increase dramatically this month too!

links to articles concerning and places to watch for more info:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/mozambique/7975093/Six-dead-in-Mozambique-riots-over-food.html

http://www.africanews.com/site/Police_clash_with_protesters_in_Mozambique/list_messages/34403

http://www.mg.co.za/article/2010-09-01-two-children-shot-dead-in-mozambique-riots

The last month

2010-08-29T06:44:00.001+02:00

Well, it's been almost a month since I last posted....somehow I don't feel like I have much to contribute here, but I owe it to everyone supporting and praying for me to update you on what I've been doing.....besides just adjusting.

I spoke at Pendleton United Methodist Church and shared about what I had been doing in Moz since my last visit, why I'm giving my life away to serve His people, and what I'm up to for this next year. PUMC is always a joy to go visit and speak at cause it's the church I grew up in since I was 2. My parents and sister still attend there and in typical small town church fashion, I know the majority of the members. For such a small church, they support me in a big way and for that I'm blessed and thankful.

A few weeks ago I got to speak at Fellowship Bible Church here in Nashville. They are my home church and have supported me before I left and continue to support me. I love the heart of that church! I was blessed to get to speak in a capacity I rarely get to speak in....they asked me to speak to the 1st grade classes during their 4 services as they had been doing a whole unit on missionaries, other countries, and God's heart for missions. So I prepared a small slide show to visually show the kids how the life of the kids in Moz greatly differs from their own lives here. Then I shared the heart of God for their brothers and sisters in Christ and encouraged them to find their own mission field here in Nashville, in their own neighborhoods and schools and to live out this verse (one of my favs):

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of the destitute.

Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

-Proverbs 31: 8-9

As far as speaking engagements go...I have 2 more pinned down in September in Auburn, AL....one in a cultural class back at my old nursing school at Auburn University and at least once at the Christian fellowship group I was part of while in college, the Auburn Wesley Foundation. I'm super excited about both of these opportunities and will give you more specific details soon when they are nailed down a bit better!

I started work 4 weeks ago and it's been good....ok not the 3 adult floor shifts I was forced to do (we all know how i feel about big people patients), but it's good and I'm excited about working there.....you wanna know 2 good reasons....a-FREE parking in downtown Nashville less than a block away from work....shut it! I used to pay a ridiculous amount to go to work everyday. Stupid big cities. b-their mission statement is THIS:

Rooted in the loving ministry of Jesus as healer, we commit ourselves to serving all persons with special attention to those who are poor and vulnerable.

Our Catholic health ministry is dedicated to spiritually centered, holistic care which sustains and improves the health of individuals and communities.

We are advocates for a compassionate and just society through our actions and our words.

And it's not just written down some place, or plastered on their walls, or put in pamphlets, or posted on their webpage (although you can find it in all of those places)....it's what they LIVE OUT and encourage you to LIVE OUT. And in this day and age as a healthcare worker in a hospital setting, being able to openly ask my patient's families if i can pray with them is incredibly FREEING and exciting!

School started this week and is kicking my BUTT!!!!! Ok, it's just going to take a bit of getting used to but, it's seriously a full-time job (think over 40 hours a week) and it's stressing me out a bit! But I know this is God's plan and it's why I'm in the States for this season and I'm excited about the classes I'm taking. So, I'm attempting to make the most of it. The classes are going to be a huge blessing and are so applicable. This semester I'm taking 4: Environmental health in resource limited environments (all about water and sanitation and stuff like that); Nutrition in resource limited environments (how nutrition affects disease processes and how to be nutritious in places where food is severely lacking); Maternal child health (pregnancy and children in developing nations); and Refugees and internally displaced persons' health (topics especially related to this special population) Prayers over the next 8 weeks as I finish this round of classes would be much appreciated....especially when I start working night shift and more of my time is eaten up by work and sleeping!

I know I say it often, but it's because it's true.....thank you for all the support and prayers ya'll give me. I am truly blessed and cannot thank you all enough!

The last few weeks

2010-07-29T21:53:00.000+02:00

Well, I've been home for 7 weeks now. Where has the time gone? Yikes! So WHAT have I been up to? Well......

I'm mostly moved into Court's house in Nashville.....
I'm starting work on August 2nd at Baptist Hospital! YEAH!
2 weeks later I start (scary) graduate school
I (finally) started and completed my video covering my 2 years in Moz.....I'm pumped to share it with you cause it's all about God's love and His heart for missions and why YOU should be fired up too!, but you'll have to wait till most everyone that'll see it in person gets to see it first! so there. invite me to come see you and you'll see it a heck of a lot sooner! (hint hint) ;)
I'm speaking at Pendleton United Methodist this Sunday
Next Sunday, I'm excited to be sharing with 4 services of first graders on the heart of missions at Fellowship Bible in Nashville
I've been to a wedding shower, bachelorette party, and I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow
I've struggled with finding and deciding upon an individual medical plan which has litterally eaten up DAYS of my life that I will NEVER get back....but I think it will be settled by Monday.
I'm slowly processing the events over the last 2 days and mourning the loss of the closing of one chapter of my life and what now and the future are going to look like.....it's a process, a very slow process. Thanks for bearing with me.

Well, it doesn't feel like a lot but it is and it's kept me busy, but I've been able to rest too! I'm blessed and miss everyone and everything back in Moz, but I'm happy here too! Thanks for all the prayers.....stay in touch!!!!

Follow You

2010-07-14T05:04:00.000+02:00

You live among the least of these

The weary and the weak

And it would be a tragedy

For me to turn away

All my needs You have supplied

When I was dead You gave me life

How could I not give it away so freely?

And I'll...

Follow You into the homes of the broken

Follow You into the world

Meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God

Follow You into the world

Use my hands, use my feet

To make Your kingdom come

To the corners of the earth

Until Your work is done

Faith without works is dead

On the cross your blood was shed.

So how could we not give it away so freely?

And I'll...

Follow You into the homes of the broken

Follow You into the world

Meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God

Follow You into the world

And I give all myself

I give all myself

I give all myself to You

-lyrics by Leeland

Undeniably Blessed

2010-07-10T06:49:00.000+02:00

So, ya’ll are probably wondering what other things have worked out since I’ve been home and updates to all my plans. Since I finally have officialness on my details, I can reveal them.....because God is so good and I am so immensely blessed. It is truly overwhelming and I am daily amazed by all the details He has so perfectly orchestrated.

I will be starting orientation for my job August 2^nd, a bit later than anticipated, but I know this is His perfect timing. It is a wonderful job that I am so excited about. I will be working per diem, picking up shifts as they need extra help in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Baptist Hospital in Nashville. One of my old assistant managers from when I was working at Vanderbilt is now the manager of the unit and I LOVE her. They have a brand new, updated, gorgeous, and bigger unit with more beds. And the best part? The hospital is built on Christian principles. Their value and mission statement are focused on serving the poor and needy and spreading God’s love. You are welcomed and ENCOURAGED to pray with your patients and their families. When I worked per diem there for 5 months in 2007 I was overwhelmed with the environment. The nurses and respiratory therapists and secretaries and anyone working that shift would gather together at the beginning of every shift morning and evening and hold hands and pray. There were prayer cards at each bedside. The staff shared prayer requests, praises, and answered prayers with each other in the break room! Such an inviting and encouraging place to work and help heal. Even better? God is using this to bless me financially. The pay is 2x what I used to make as a staff nurse and while I won’t be able to work full-time because of grad school, I will still be able to pay off graduate school (all 26 out of state hours) in full while putting some away for retirement and savings (which I haven’t put one penny into either in the last 2 years). Ya’ll have blessed me by stepping up and out in faith and obedience of God and continuing to support me while I’m home. I still have 2/3 of my normal support, which will perfectly (and I do mean perfectly) cover my living expenses while I’m home.

I will start my online graduate certificate program in Global Health through the public health college at University of Alabama mid August. And it’s looking more and more like I will be home till the end of July 2011. Why? Well, truly, God only knows, but also, because the way graduate classes are falling it would be practically impossible to take them while overseas. After talking with many different programs and many people in online graduate programs along with acknowledging that the internet in Moz is at best, worse than old school dial up, and the fact that I want to finish these programs in my lifetime, coupled with lots of prayer, I’ve seen how God knew what He was doing with letting me think I’d only be home till January. I might not have ever left Moz. ;) So I’ll be able to take 8 hrs this fall, hopefully 7 in the spring (including starting my certificate in Maternal Child Health), and then 6 in the summer. By the end of July 2011, I will have finished my UAB certificate in Global Health and only have 5 hrs to take the following summer to complete my Maternal Child Health. So I’ll be ready to go back on the field for 10 months, before coming home for a break and my last summer of classes! Did I mention that thankfully God didn’t allow my car to sell 2 years ago when I put it on the market? Well, it didn’t and I still have my car which is making this whole thing even easier. I don’t know what I would have done for this season without a car!

I miss Mozambique terribly. Some days it’s unbearable. But God is carrying me through and I’m excited about this season and all the things He has for me and Mozambique in the future. I cannot say enough how truly blessed I am. With June completed, I have started looking at dates to speak with churches and groups so please contact me again if you had said you’d like for me to come so we can lock in dates and details. I think you’d be blessed to see the faces of the people you have blessed by giving so much of yourselves to me! I have so many stories to tell of His faithfulness and where I see Him leading me in the future. Thanks for praying and walking this journey with me.

Nashville bound

2010-07-05T06:52:00.000+02:00

It's been 5 weeks since I've left Mozambique. Some days its easy to forget that I spent the last 2 years of my life there. Some days are hard and I miss everything about being there. Someday are even harder. But it's been a good transition so far, and I've spent the last month with my immediate family in SC and extended family in LA. It's been such a blessing. While I've gotten tons done, I've also rested and attempted to process a bit. But just a bit (I'm a GREAT avoider/procrastinator).

So now that I've forwarded my mail, changed my address with the banks, renewed and changed my address for my TN driver's license, reactivated my TN nursing license, changed my address with my voter registration people, updated my address for my CA nursing license, applied for a per diem nursing job, updated my resume, created my CV, and applied to graduate school......it's time.......to move back to NASHVILLE.

I'm excited about being back to see everyone. On Thursday I'll have an interview for the job I applied for....and I should start graduate school (online) in August. I'm still working out tiny details. Scratch that. God's still divulging all the tiny details He's already worked out. So I'll let everyone know more when I do, but I can't wait to be back at my church and fellowshipping with my friends who I have missed terribly since being gone!

I'm super pumped, too, about living with Courtney! She assured me multiple times, that my new room is completely barren and undecorated minus the mattress and box spring.....to which I replied multiple times that all I need is a bed and a room and I'm golden. After all, I've spent the last 2 years staring at pretty barren cement block walls day in and out.....I think I can get through the next 6 months or so without needing all the extras. After much thought, a few tough days, and an amazing 50% off sale at an already amazingly cheap store.....I decided to pick up a few frames and print some photos to place around on the walls to remind me of where I've come, why I'm here for the moment, and where I'm going!

Also, I'm starting to look at nailing down dates to visit cities and speak with groups. If you've already talked with me about making plans when I'm ready.....well, I'm ready.....so email me back and let's find something that works for everyone! If you haven't already contacted me, think about it, and let me know. I can't wait to visit with everyone that's been faithfully supporting me over the last 2 years and share what God's been up to and where I'm headed. Prayers for everything is appreciated!

Did I ever tell you?

2010-06-28T22:45:00.000+02:00

That our children are NOT afraid of medical stuff.....

Well as long as it's one of their BH nurses who's attending them. They aren't too fond of doctors and strangers. But they LOVE getting meds and medical treatment from us! It makes being a nurse, a breeze! ;)

A few days before I left Zimpeto, Meghann I took some of our tots to play in her backyard and these are some of the candid shots (NONE were staged) we caught on camera. Aparently, everyone was sick and needed some medical attention. Anyone think they've been hanging out with and watching us too much??

Lorenco listening to Antonio's bariga (tummy) cause aparently it hurt.

Lorenco clipping his twin's (Francisco) fingernails.

Antonio listening to my heart.

Francisco listening to Meghann's lungs.

Admira checking Dionisio out.

Lorenco playing doctor with Admira.

Aparently, Lorenco needed a checkup too. He put them on my ears and then put the scope on his chest.

They are too cute.

I am missing these tots this week.

Walking life

2010-06-23T04:40:00.000+02:00

You know what I absolutely miss the MOST about living in Mozambique and not living in the US? It's one thing. just one.......walking life.

It's the person I am...I just love and thrive on walking life with people. Now I know, that's what I'm doing in Moz too....it's just with people that I don't share the same language or culture with and relatively any amount of life history with. And I'm not discounting the missionaries I lived with....but 30 people I've known for just a short time vs tons of friends and family I've shared a lifetime with doesn't really compete. No, what I miss the most is being physically in the States to walk alongside all my friends/family and just live life together. You know, hear about, pray through, and hold hands for all the good, bad, and even the ugly. For new boyfriends and bad breakups. For the engagements, the stress and joy of wedding planning, the weddings and all the celebrations that go along with that. For first houses and first pregnancies....for miscarriages and first babies...and even the second and thirds! For rough spots with their husbands, for divorces. For lost jobs and the times when they don't know if they can make it financially. For the death of loved ones. For big moves-cities, states, jobs. For highschool and college graduations. For dirty home repairs and remodels. For the every day tiny things and for the big earth shaking kinda things. I miss THAT.....email and skype don't even touch it. Everyone always asks me what I miss the most.....and that's it......that's what I miss. Walking life.

And I'm excited and blessed to be back in the States for a bit more of an extended period with lots of weddings and new babies coming up in the next few months. I'm excited to get the chance to stand alongside all the people I love and walk like again with them! I'm pumped!

PS...I've already been blessed to attend a memorial service for my great grandfather who died 3 weeks ago, a wedding shower for one of my dear friends and held a 3 day old baby (the third, but first baby boy of my dear cousin) and given lots of baby tips. Up soon....a highschool graduation party for one of my cousins, wedding dress shopping with my cousin's fiance, a bachelorette party, visiting with a highschool friend and her new baby born last week, a baby shower (well make that about 3), 3 weddings, and the birth of several of my friend's first babies. I love walking life with friends. I am truly overwhelmed and blessed by this opportunity over the next months!

Travelling the World

2010-05-29T14:42:00.000+02:00

Well, I'm on my way back around the world via many airports and a week long refueling stop in Portugal. I'm excited to be home but of course there's a million mixed emotions cause leaving and closing a chapter of your life is always hard. I know I'll be back here on this continent of Africa and back in Mozambique...it's where my heart is.....I just need this time at home too.

All this week I've been deferring the goodbyes and talking about it. It's my personality. I'm not good with it. And actually, I think it's because I've had so much going on for so long these last few months leading up to it that I hadn't had time to even begin processing it. When I did.....I was in the last 5 days of being here and then I couldn't handle all the emotion. So, I put on my invisible armor shieldy protective suity thing that let everything just roll or bounce off me. And you weren't allowed to talk about leaving or goodbyes. I kept telling everyone they could cry after I left. Even this morning, I had people talk to me in code.....like they'd give me a hug and try to say goodbye and I'd say...."so you're hugging me to celebrate how good the eggs were this morning huh? I hear the yogurt's good too. You should try it." A few weren't happy with me, but I can't process it and spend the next 3 flights crying after all the emotions overwhelm me. The person next to me would NOT be happy. I'm currently sitting in the Johannesburg airport. I've got 2 more flights till I arrive in Lisbon and then a short bus ride to the first town we're staying in. This coming refueling stop is meant to be a week long distraction for me. It'll be a good time to adjust to 3rd world versus 1st world culture shock without having to face five million people asking the same questions over and over again as well. I'm excited and blessed for this week.

Pray with me for all smooth travelling. I hate airplanes and I'm going to be in a lot of them. Also re the ash cloud and the British Airways strike that are still looming to cancel or change my flights from Lisbon to London to Boston to Charlotte. Pray for smooth adjustment back to life in America. For good support and friends/community to surround me. For God to work out all the details of my future plans. Well, for now, I'm signing off (probably for the next week) and recharging......and I'm going to go find a airport café with some good coffee!

Thanks again for participating in this journey with me! Ya'll have been, are, and will continue being a blessing to me. Let me know if you'd like me to speak to any of your groups.....starting in July and after!

oh and side story so you can laugh at me. Last night, in a very tiny elevator that are typical of all countries outside of the United States, 8 of us that were crammed (literally) in there got stuck for SEVEN minutes between floors. Now, if you know me well, I do NOT do well in tiny places....especially when that tiny space is packed with people that are touching me and breathing my air and the container I'm in is NOT moving. I'm mostly ok if it's moving. I start panicking and hyperventilating and well....it's NOT good. I wasn't even fearful that the elevator would drop me to my death or anything.....no I was afraid the tiny space was going to get even tinier and I'd literally suffocate to death as the space closed in on me.......so while everyone else was freaking out and screaming about the obvious danger of a failing elevator in a third world country and praying out loud. I turned into the corner, put my head down, closed my eyes and kept repeating. "This elevator is huge, there's lots of space, I'm in a big field. No one is touching me. I'm ok. This elevator is huge." It only partially worked. 7 minutes later I was shoving people out of the door after maintenance pried it open. Thankfully they weren't on a 2 hour tea break cause I'd have been passed out on the floor by that time. After that I either took the stairs or wouldn't take the elevator with more than 4 people in it....and even THAT was pushing it a bit. So prayers for no more tiny elevators (lifts) that get stuck with me in them or other weird travel blunders.

The last days

2010-05-25T23:59:00.001+02:00

Hundreds of laughs, kisses, and hugs. A bazillion emotions. How do you say goodbye to family? How do you say goodbye to all the tots that have loved me so well, so unconditionally over these last 2 years? I will miss them all. But I know I will be back; on the continent of Africa; in Mozambique. And I will visit them and delight in how much they have grown and changed; in what the Lord has done in their lives. For now, it is time for rest and Sabbath and lots of learning for me. I'm excited and scared and sad and expectant and 29 bazillion other things for the closing of this season and the coming of the next. 3.5 days left. My room is packed away, lots has been donated and given away, and my bags are ready to go. Now, all that is left is to play!!!!

In case you are wondering....that picture I'm holding up is SO precious. They got all the Baby House tots (and half the tias) to ink each and every precious tiny finger and press it to the page to form a rainbow (the symbol for Arco Iris which is what the Mozambicans call Iris Ministries in Portuguese and it means rainbow). Their names are all written below their fingerprint contribution to the rainbow. Isn't that so cool? I'm amazed. What a wonderful way to remember them all! Man it's going to be hard saying goodbye to all those adorable little fingers that reach out for me constantly, hug me, tickle me, give me high 5's, pinch my nose, pull my hair, grab my leg, don't wanna let go. So sweet. Just gotta remember that they too are in His hands, and I am blessed for the time I got to share with them and love them. Now it's up to Him to make this leaving thing ok for them and for me. I know He will carry me!

**A special thanks especially to Nancy, Chris, and others who have been amazing in helping me photo document these last few weeks. I am forever grateful.**

9 days left

2010-05-20T09:58:00.001+02:00

That's right. Nine. Till I'm leaving on a jet plane and headed across the big Atlantic ocean towards the States. I haven't started packing. There's 9 billion emotions floating around my head and my heart. I'm putting off processing it all. Seems easier.

About a month ago, I told the Mozambican nurses and tias I work with that I was leaving. It was really hard for me, because it made leaving so final. My Mozambican nurse, that I trained and have been working with for the last 20 months now, responded something like this....."but Mana Erin....what am I supposed to do without my spiritual mother?" and...."I'm going to be sad and sick and alone like baby Dionisio when he was left here in the beginning days when you leave. What am I going to do without you?" I have seen such a growth in this wonderful woman...spiritually, intellectually, as a nurse, as a woman, and as a nurse working with pediatric patients. It makes me proud and excited. It also makes me very sad to leave a lot of relationships with tias and babies that I have. Dionisio always senses something's up before I leave and has been a bit more clingy lately....then one of the tias said to him one day (not meaning it to be mean)...."What are you going to do when Erin leaves for forever....you are going to be so sad and miss her every day." He didn't take well to this and now has started screaming when I can't pick him up or play, throwing tantrums frequently, and just demanding to stay by my side. He had been doing so well, so sure of himself, so bonded to the tias, and confident in the last 6 weeks, that I was excited to think he'd be better than ok after I left. So these last few weeks have been hard and heart breaking to deal with. I know I will miss this place-missionaries, tots, tias....friends. but it IS time and I am ready. And God has ordered my next steps and He will take care of all of these things.

After a lot of prayer, I've officially decided (aka God told me) to spend a little "me time" over the next 7 months back in the States. While I'm calling it "me time," it's really going to be me taking graduate school classes full time for one semester, while trying to work a bit on the side, travelling around to visit supporters and friends/family, as well as finding some time to rest, reflect, process, refresh, switch gears, grow, and allow myself to be ministered to. These last 2 years have been absolutely amazing, but draining and emotional all at the same time. I've loved and cared for many children (around 75) as if they were my own-diapered, fed, prayed over and for, read stories, gave baths, tickled, laughed with, cried with, said bedtime prayers and given goodnight kisses, disciplined, and hugged. That's just the mommy, nonmedical, side of my job here. I've watched as some of them have been reintegrated to family which is exciting, but some have suffered immensely and either been healed or taken home to be with our Heavenly Father. The losses of these children have affected me greatly and on the field there is little time to deal with the grief, much less heal from it. Just yesterday as I sent another child to the hospital (whom I had known for all of 1 hr as the child had just arrived in the center), I broke down in complete uncontrollable tears and couldn't shake the fear. I know God is going to use this time for big things. It's going to be a time of preparation. I have decided to pursue 2 different graduate certificates through colleges of public health in the focus areas of Global Health (cross-culturally working in resource limited environments, with the diseases that tend to affect and kill most often in 3rd world countries, as well as how to develop programs to help the people help themselves) and Maternal-Child health (focusing on pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and the post-partum period for the woman of child bearing age as well as children from birth to 5 years and the diseases that affect this vulnerable population and often kill in 3rd world countries, along with programming that will benefit these population groups). Both of these will require 4-5 3 hr graduate level classes. All will be online. I'm hoping to get half of this out of the way, so when I return to Mozambique in January 2011, I can continue 1 class a semester. I'm excited to study again because these classes are completely perfect for what I'm doing here in Africa, and will continue preparing me for what the Lord has for me in my future, serving His children.

I don't know all the details at the present, as the Lord is still working them out.  I will spend the first month in SC with my family, resting, and then I will be living with a close friend (Courtney) in Nashville, TN and working as a nurse in a local hospital (tbd) whenever I can pick up shifts as my class and travel schedule allows.  It's funny to be leaving here in 10 days and STILL not have a super clear idea of what my life is about to look like....but the thing the Lord has taught me well while I've been here in Mozambique is: He is good; He is in control; His ways are best and good; His timing is ALWAYS perfect; He will provide my every need; and resting in THAT assurance of good things to come is even better!  So that's what I'm doing....I'm not even the least bit nervous that it won't all work out.  I'll keep giving you all information as I get it.  
Prayers are appreciated.  I believe strongly in the power of prayer and even more so since being here, when quite frequently, it's ALL myself or the people I have been serving have had.  And I have seen 
God show up in big and unexpected ways that have stretched my faith and taught me to be in more consistently constant prayer over every thing no matter how tiny, trivial, or life changing it may be.  It is now one of the FIRST things I do in EVERY situation instead of running to Him only when I need bailed out or need something(as I feel we often do in the West).  I choose prayer over medicine any day....especially when we have a lack of it.  I've seen miracles happen before my eyes.  It tends to change your world view a bit.

Please continuing praying with me over each leg of my travels and my next steps as they are unfolding.  I leave Maputo May 29th and will meet a friend in Lisbon, Portugal (via Johannesburg, South Africa 
and Frankfurt, Germany) for 6 days of rest and refueling (for me).  Then I'll be on my way back to the States (via London, England) and will land in Boston June 5th, overnight, then fly to Charlotte, NC on the 6th where a close friend has kindly offered to pick me up from the airport, let me stay at her house the night, and bring me to my parent's home in Clemson, SC the next day!  Two of my flights home are on British Airways which has scheduled on again/off again to be on strike during those times.  At the moment it looks as if my flights will still operate, but I won't know for sure till I take off or they call it off.  Because I've 
already travelled the first leg of my ticket (back in October) I can't get a refund or rebook unless the flights are actually cancelled....so I'm playing the waiting game and hoping to not be literally STUCK in 
Lisbon, Portugal (although truthfully, I might not complain).  Also, please keep the ash cloud over Europe (from the Icelandic volcano) that is still delaying and closing some airports which changes daily, in 
your prayers.  I'll be flying into Lisbon, Portugal; Frankfurt, Germany; and London, England on my flights home.

I would love to share about my last 2 years here in Mozambique; the joys, adventures, deep sadness, and amazing transformations through the Spirit as well as the physical; the things God has taught me; where 
He's leading me and what my life is about to look like.  I love this culture, country, and their amazing spirit and faith.  Please contact me if you would like me to speak/share with your Bible Study, 
discipleship group, Sunday School class, Youth Group, or Church.  Since it looks like I'll be in the States for almost 7 months, I'll be making my usual rounds to the New Orleans, Birmingham, Atlanta, Charlotte, 
Nashville, and Clemson areas, with some new places added in (Ohio).  I also really want to visit all those supporters that I usually can't get around to because of limited time and long distances!  So contact me 
and we'll start getting something set up.

Exciting opportunity to join me

2010-05-14T14:43:00.000+02:00

I'm excited to announce a cool opportunity for you to support me in fundraising, my ministry in Mozambique, as well as spread God's love to friends and family. I have a friend, Jaclyn, that I have met only in our many email conversations, blog comments, facebook/skype chats, and in our prayers for each other. She is a wonderful Christian woman living in Malaysia. She stumbled upon my blog many many months ago, began praying for me, encouraging me, and really pouring into my life. Through the amazing technology we have today, we have become friends. By training she is a graphic designer and has a wonderful servant heart. One day a few months ago, she emailed me and said that the Lord had laid it upon her heart to use her giftings to partner with me and my ministry and help serve God's people. She wanted to create Christian focused greeting cards that you could order online, download the pdf, and print from the comfort of your own home as many times as you wanted on any kind of material. Some of them can even be personalized. And she wanted to do this in order to DONATE 60% OF EACH AND EVERY SALE to my ministry! She wanted to know if this would be ok! What do you think I said??? Of course. God and His provisions for our lives are amazing. He is always faithful and good.

So today, I have the privilege of announcing her website where you can do just that: pick a design, personalize it if you wish, download the design, and print it on whatever type of card you choose as many times as you'd like all from the comfort of your own home while simultaneously SUPPORTING my ministry, serving God's precious children, and spreading the good news of God's love to those you love! Please pass this link on to anyone and everyone you know who might use it. The more the word gets out, the more money we can raise! I will create a link to the website and put it in my sidebar to right so you will always have easy access.

http://urdesignmessage.blogspot.com/

**NOTE: All of the proceeds I receive will go directly back into caring for the children I am serving in very tangible ways including buying food, clothes, life saving medicines, extra nutrition for our malnourished kids, medical supplies, cleaning supplies for our baby house medical clinic, and special cereals to thicken the feeds of 2 of our children that have difficulties with aspiration/reflux creating horrible chest infections. When I begin home assignment back in the States June 2010 I will start saving the proceeds until I begin my next project in Mozambique Jan 2011....details are currently being worked out. Thanks for all of your support!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T14:01:00.000+02:00

So much love. I am so blessed.
They have

meu coracao.

Working through the grief

2010-05-04T21:10:00.001+02:00

Somedays are hard. Others are harder. There are moments that are good. Filled with laughter and smiles. These are the moments that make it easier. That make what I am doing here worthwhile and meaningful....not that the deaths aren't full of that as well. Each and everyone one of them. I've been closed to only 6 people in my life (all 28b years of it) that have died. 4 have been in the last 2 years while in Africa. One was 3.5 years old. The other 3 hadn't even completed a full year of life. 2 were younger than 4 months. The sadness and devestating effects of HIV, Tuberculosis, malnutrition, and even simple diseases that we erradicated YEARS ago in the States is overwhelming at times. The nonexistent medical system that is at best 50 years behind us in knowledge and equipment (maybe more) and the lack of supplies and medicine is outraging. The poverty is heartbreaking. The apathy over life and how precious it is is apalling and absolutely nauseating.

I am NOT ok. It is NOT right. Not even a tiny itsty bit. And all I know, is that my God's heart is breaking EVEN MORE. His outrage and frustration and pain is even greater. What I'm experiencing over His fallen world is only a fraction of what He's experiencing. I can not even imagine. And He created me to love them and serve them. To somehow make it a bit better. To somehow make it a bit more right. To pour out the blessings He has poured into my life. But it is ten times more the blessing for me.

The moments below are all within the last month, most in the last 2 weeks. Good God given moments.

new admit Manuel

milk program momma with her twins

Dionisio and Lucia-both Bercario graduates who struggled and fought for life-kissing and hugging today-celebrating the life they've been given.

Bercario tias and tots the day after Graca died

Nanda-a crawling miracle-all smiles and giggles and FAT!

some of my favorite tots

admitting a new momma and baby onto the milk program

missionary girls for a saturday outting

beautiful miracle-so far in such a short time-blowing kisses

new admits (twins): Eugenio and Marta

Pray for them as they grow, catchup, and get nourished. They are a bit underweight and short for their age at 2.5 years old and 23 lbs. Marta's just learning to walk.

Pray for new admit Manuel who has quickly settled in since arrival yesterday, but has a LONG way to go in the malnourishment department. He's 7.1 kg (15.5 lbs) and almost 2.5 years old. He's wearing 6-9 month old clothing.

Dionisio is 3 weeks younger than Manuel

The height difference is staggering and due to long-term malnutrition. Manuel can't stand on his own, but crawls and talks. Pray as we do testing and start giving him lots and lots of healthy food!

I pray for broken hearts....for eyes to see the needs of those around us....to hear the prompting of the Lord for when and how we should meet those needs.....for a soft heart that is obedient to His prompting and a soul that is STIRRED into ACTION. As my college minister used to continuously say (and for a very good reason).....We are blessed to be a blessing. Be a blessing.

"Your grace has found me just as I am;

EMPTYHANDED, but ALIVE IN YOUR HANDS.

Forever I am CHANGED by your love,

In the presence of your majesty."

-lyrics by Delirious

Home with Jesus

2010-04-29T17:07:00.002+02:00

update: Graca's funeral is at 10 am our time tomorrow morning (Saturday). Please keep us all in your prayers!

Graca (Pequena) died about 1 hr ago. She simply stopped breathing. We are all very sad. Please pray for our team-missionaries and tias. For our Bercario tias this is the 3rd baby that has died in less than 1 yr. They are grief stricken. Yesterday, after I arrived home from the hospital, I went to the Bercario and updated the tias and explained how none of this was their fault and they could never think that way. They did exactly as they should and we did all we could for her....never doubt that. The culture here loves to place blame and in such a situation as this it could be easy to place it but I wanted them to know and believe that it was not truth. Today, I was able to visit with Graca for about 10 minutes and pray over her and kiss her. Catia, the tia with her, was going home and was being replaced by another tia as she had been working for 4 days already and they don't allow you to rest or even sleep when the child is in ICU. I took her aside and hugged her and told her what I had told the tias the night before. I needed her to know that no matter what the outcome she did the best she could for Graca. That is the truth and to let know one or anything tell you different. A few minutes ago, when I entered to hug them I told them thank you for the love and care they gave Graca. It's the love and care of the Lord. The Lord chose them for this work. It is the work of the Lord. Know and believe that it is a blessing to love and serve these children. These children know the love of the Lord because that love is in each of them and they have been pouring it out onto these children. They both just broke into tears and clung to me.....we prayed and cried together as a team. Please continue to lift them up in prayer. Several of these tias are battling these same diseases themselves, and though we don't talk about the diseases of the children with our tias so they will not form prejudice toward some or against some as is the culture here, they are sensitive and know which kid is sick and they can guess why. As this is the 3rd baby in such a short time, we are praying against any spirit of fear and shame and against the belief that it has to end the same way for them....we are praying for life and truth! Pray for the spirit of apathy over life and how precious a gift it is that is rampant in this country. Of all 4 children that I have cared for that have died here, it was in the end because of this spirit. Today when I arrived in the baixa (ICU), there was a brand new team of doctors on and they were questioning me over and over about her condition and why we brought her to the hospital. I kept answering questions and after a few minutes I realized what they were trying to say and were asking about. They didn't understand why we had brought this orphaned child with TB, HIV, and malnutrition in to the hospital. They thought she should just die. Isn't that what she is going to do anyway? Why were we fighting for her? I tried very calmly to explain that while she was battling all these diseases, this is NOT what she normally looked like....she's NOT this sick. This is an acute event that we hope and pray she will recover from. This is not the end. She was great 5 seconds before she aspirated her milk! They seemed skeptical and not too understanding. This is the most frustrating part of all these deaths. Pray for Graca's dad who loves her very very much. He visited frequently in the short time she was here. While her mother abandoned her, her father loved and cared for her and tried his best to take care of her. This isn't the norm in this country. He was able to see her today in the hospital about 2 hours before she died. He was stunned with the news as he thought she looked ok when he got to visit. Thank you for all the prayers you have been lifting up and for the many I know you will continue to lift up. You are a blessing to all of us and it is a comfort to each of us here to know you are praying for and with us and our children.

Pequena update

2010-04-29T11:40:00.001+02:00

UPDATE of urgent prayer request for Pequena. I was able to see Pequena this morning for about 10 minutes and she wasn't on a cardiac monitor anymore but is still on 14 Liters of oxygen by mask. Her breathing has eased only slightly and she's not breathing quite as fast. She's awake a bit more and the tia said she was a bit playful last night. All good news, but she is still VERY critical. Please continue praying with us!

Urgent prayer request

2010-04-29T01:21:00.000+02:00

Urgent prayer request for one of our tiniest and sickest. Please pray with us! (side note: We haven't had internet for two weeks...I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, and I have 2 other blogs that are cueing in my outbox, but this takes precedence.)

Pequena (means very small in Portuguese as she is 9 months and only 10 lbs. I am referring to her this way instead of using her name because we recently made the choice as a medical team to do our absolute best not to put medical information regarding our children up on websites in an effort to protect their identity) is very ill with HIV and Tuberculosis and malnutrition. We've had her for a bit, and she's getting stronger, but not really gaining weight.

This afternoon (well since it's the wee hours of the morning, yesterday afternoon) she aspirated her milk (vomited it and then breathed it into her lungs) and began having very serious breathing difficulties. I was called immediately and on arrival she was gray, and floppy and not responding very well. We gave her two nebulizer treatments, chest physiotherapy to help loosen and liquify it all so she could cough it up. This helped a bit, but she was still in a lot of trouble so we rushed over to the clinic and gave her oxygen with a bag and mask to provide continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) which forces air into her lungs to keep them open so she won't have to work as hard. We kept her on CPAP (the oxygen by bag/mask) for over an hour and she continued retracting (breathing really hard) horrifically, flaring her nares (in an attempt to get more oxygen), breathing insanely too fast, and not responding appropriately. Without the oxygen, she immediately looked even worse. We were all afraid she wouldn't make the 45 minute trip to the city without the oxygen, so we got several boys to carry it and put it in the back of our ambulance (a truck with a mattress in the covered back bed)....the tank is practically as big as I am. Everyone was praying on the base. I prayed and sang worship songs over her the entire way and cried.....mainly cause memories of the 3 little ones that have died in the last year in the hospital due to respiratory complications was flooding into my mind, and I clearly haven't dealt with all those feelings yet! Anyway.....by the time we arrived, she had gotten worse. I rushed her in and they actually listened to me, 10 minutes and 3 doctors later, we were in an ICU treatment room with a nasogastric tube in (tube through her nose into her stomach) which they had used to suck out all the air I had forced in with the CPAP and any remaining food in her tummy, started an IV, drawn labs, checked her glucose (blood sugar), and put her on a cardiac monitor. Her heart was beating 200 times per minute (think 130's as the upper limit of normal), breathing 80 times a minute (30's-40's is pretty normal), and her oxygen saturation was 49% (anything below 90 isn't good if you aren't on oxygen). By this time she was barely, and only occasionally, responding to painful stimuli which means she wasn't getting enough oxygen to her brain. They scooped her up and took her to a real ICU room and started her on oxygen through 1 (that's right not both) of her nares at 1.5 L/min (pretty normal for her size/age)...well by the time they got her hooked back up to the monitor she still only had an oxygen saturation in the 50's. I gently mentioned to the doctor that we had her on a lot more oxygen and with CPAP for over 2.5 hr before she arrived and her nasal cannula with a tiny flow wasn't going to do it for her. She ran off and got a mask and cranked up the oxygen to 14 liters. OK, so that's a huge dose for an adult, much less a 10 lb 9 month old, but finally after 5 minutes her oxygen saturation came up to normal and her heart rate dropped just a bit to 185, but she was still struggling to breathe as well as breathing really fast. After talking with the doctor a bit more to find out what all they were going to do for her and knowing that they were going to keep her on a monitor that beeps very loudly and annoyingly when she's breathing too fast, too slow, not at all or her oxygen saturation is too low, I felt ok to leave for the night (also I didn't want to outstay my welcome especially since I wasn't really allowed back there and they hadn't said anything to me about it-thankfully). Also, they had listened very carefully and with many questions to all I had to say about her and wrote it all down.....so I know they were taking me seriously...the doctor seemed hopefully, but I'd call her condition unstable and critical when I left, so I'm not sure.

Please join us in prayer.....Praise the Lord for the small miracles and favor-actually having a functional oxygen tank with an ambu mask; a quicker than normal trip into the city; favor with the doctors that seemed knowledgeable and acted quickly and sanely; favor to be able to stay so long with her when they don't normally allow it; doctors that actually listened and believed me; and some progress shown from the treatments they have given. At the present, they are pretty much doing all they can do for her. Please pray for Pequena. She is a very very sick little girl at this moment. Pray for her father who is being notified and will hopefully go see her tomorrow. Pray for the doctors and nurses-for wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and a soft heart for her (as they can often write off "orphans" that have HIV and TB and sentence them to death by their inactivity). Pray for the tia who has to sit in a small hard chair by her bedside all night long without being allowed to sleep or rest....essentially being her nurse after having worked the last 3 days and nights (she'll go home tomorrow and be replaced by a new, fresh tia, who will have to sit by Pequena's side 24 hrs a day without sleeping or leaving or resting). Pray for all of us here that care for her, who have seen so much death over the last 2 years and are scared for little Pequena. Pray that the treatments work, that Pequena's breathing is eased; that she can rest tonight; that she feels safe, comforted, and peaceful. I'm going into the city first thing in the AM to see her again and bring more supplies in. I'll try to give updates as I can. Thanks for praying with us! We have seen what the power of prayer can do and believe this for Pequena now!

MOURNING into DANCING

2010-04-03T21:07:00.001+02:00

He died for us. To save us. Each and everyone of us. By His blood, our broken bodies and hearts are healed, made clean, and we are given a new life. We are His. He knew us and called us before we were even concieved, before we were formed in the womb, before we were even a thought. He called us. Set us aside. He has a plan and purpose for each of us. We are His. He is our Daddy!

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who have nothing. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

-Proverbs 31:8-9

"O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.

O LORD, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;

You restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit......

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.....

By your favor, O LORD you made my mountain stand strong......

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,

That my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"

-Psalm 30

"I have been anointed.

The brokenhearted has been bound up;

LIBERTY has been proclaimed to the captives;

COMFORT has been given to those that mourn.

and now "(through God's faithfulness)....

Her ashes have been turned into a BEAUTIFUL headdress

There is GLADNESS where mourning was once present

PRAISE where there was a faint spirit

She is called an OAK of RIGHTEOUSNESS, a planting of the LORD

He IS glorified!

and One day.....

Princessa Peanuttiness will help build up the ancient ruins; raise up the former devastations; and repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations."

-Isaiah 61:1-4

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will quiet you with his love,

He will rejoice over you with singing."

-Zephaniah 3:17

Just 2 weeks after being prayed over at church and daily prayer times started: She can crawl across the room, moves/crawls of her own free will, PLAYS interactively with the other children and us....laughs and smiles and "talks." She's even acted silly! Her weight is back in a "normal" and "safe" range.....usually this takes months! We have seen true joy and a complete change in her spirit!

The sweetest sound

2010-03-29T20:31:00.000+02:00

is a laugh from a child's lips.

Especially their first.

Yesterday I shared, that for the first time (since she arrived) I saw Fernanda smile at me.....3 times. Three big smiles as I kissed and said goodnight to her.

Today, I picked her up to play and she sat in my lap. Cleita came over to play with us and offered her a play toy (very sweet of Cleita). Nanda reached out for it and started baby babbling to Cleita....who then decided that the toy was, infact, hers and though she would like to offer it...she would not really like to SHARE it. So she took it back. While Nanda was interacting with another child for the 2nd time since she arrived (and reaching for a toy for the very first time), I thought I saw a hint of a smile. So I got a little stuffed animal for her to play with......to my suprise she started actually PLAYING with it and smiling. I haven't seen her PLAY with anything....just sitting there somberly and holding things....occasionally touching them, but never PLAYING. So I started "attacking" her with the animal and tickling her......and it was then that i heard the sweetest sound you can hear......a little chuckle...which turned it to a giggle....which moved to a laugh! A beautiful beautiful sound! Literally music to my ears.

Please continue praying for her and her social/emotional development as she comes out of her shell. She gained another 140 grams today (over 4.5 ounces) and is doing well with her food. She's going to be back on regular formula instead of ironman formula in just a few days! She's starting to look plump! He he! Ok, not really, we are only 17 lbs (13 ounces) but it's a lot better than how she looked just 1.5 weeks ago. Oh and today was her first FEVER-FREE day!!! Whoohooo! Pray this continues!

Graca is still settling in and we've put her back on regular baby formula as of tonight and she is taking it just fine! No throwing up! Praise the Lord for tiny baby steps. Still no weight gain yet.....so continue praying hard for her as well. Also for no side effects from any of her nasty medications!

Nandinha and Gracinha

2010-03-28T20:20:00.000+02:00

Fernanda is still plugging along and doing wonderful!!! She gained 540 grams today (that's 1 lb 3 ounces)....ridiculously amazing! Seriously, i'm not feeding her growth juice or anything and I've been cutting down on bottles too. It is all God. We are thankful and praise Him daily! I think she might be getting a bit jealous of Graca, though. Our Bercario directors said they watched her try to calm Graca down while she was crying by stroking Graca's cheek and when that didn't work she held her hand! WOW! From no interaction to calming down her sissy! That evening though, Graca attempted to return the favor, and Fernanda was less than thrilled.....let's just say it involved a not so nice look and the removal of Gracinha's hand, several times. But the best part of Fernanda's constant transformation is.......................I got a big smile out of her tonight!!!!! I said goodnight and blew kisses (as i do everynight and to each and everyone of my tykes) and she smiled 3x at me. Little stinker. Melts your heart. We are still praying for her daily, especially over her emotional and psychological development at the moment!

Graca is still cute as always and gained 110 grams (3.5 ounces) yesterday but lost 20 grams (1/2 ounce) today. We are still very thankful for her progress. She has alot of nasal congestion and a bit of a chest infection, so we are working with the tias to remember when she refuses the bottle, it's cause she's having trouble breathing and sucking at the same time, NOT because she doesn't want it.....and anyway...she doesn't get to decide that. So they are cup feeding her when she refuses it and it seems to be working just fine. Please continue to keep her in your prayers. She will start on super powerful anti-retrovirals this week on top of the chemotherapeutic TB meds. Not a very good combination. The ARV's usually make our kids vomit, not want to eat, have a belly ache, as well as other pains they can't explain. Please pray she has NO sideeffects from these medications and that she continues growing. Also pray she comes out of her shell and starts playing and laughing and bonding to the tias!

Thanks for standing with us!

ps.....little Chelsia is moving to the Baby House first thing tomorrow...pray for her quick transition and making of friends easily....of course she'll have Dionisio, Lucia, and Augustinho to keep her company too. She gets a bit frightened of new people and large crowds. She's been "visiting" for over 2 weeks now for playdates and has started settling in a bit. We just pray this will be an easy move on her....and everyone else! That means our Bercario is back down to 6 with 2 that are quite needy at the moment. It keeps our 2 tias on there toes...especially since 3 of the others are very close to walking. Wesley can take 2-3 steps when motivate and unfearful. Francisco can take 11 steps without falling but still seems to prefer the safety of crawling....closer to the ground when gravity prevails. Cleita would LOVE to be walking and grazes everywhere....she's also climbing everything (though i've told her walking comes first...she's ignoring me) and can stand for 5-10 seconds on her own. She's quite good at "pinky walking" (walking with the use of only your 1 pinky for support), so i suspect we'll see some toddlers soon!

Meet Graca AND Ernesto

2010-03-27T00:05:00.000+02:00

pronounced: "Grah-sah"
translation: Grace

Meet the newest member of our Bercario (nursery)....Graca

She will be 8 months old in just a few days. She only weighs 5 kg (11 lbs). Though you can't tell from the picture, she's a 2-3 month old in size and stature. She is quite malnourished and couldn't tolerate regular baby formula today (though dad said she was taking it and baby cereal just fine....perhaps it was quite watered down milk though)....she just kept vomitting it up....so we are back to square 1 like in the beginning days of Fernanda. She's on a special kind of milk for the next week, taking it every 3 hours around the clock in little bits. We are hoping she'll keep this down. She is very sick with malnutrition as well as tuberculosis and HIV. She has been on TB treatment for a month now and is still losing weight. This week she will start taking ARV's for HIV which are just as bad as the TB treatment. Pray for no side effects from either medicine, that she starts tolerating the food we give her, and that she'll begin gaining weight. We are praying for God's grace on little Graca! We want to see what happened to Fernanda....happen to Graca....

from THIS

to THIS.....

in just 7 days!

We will be praying daily for her and Fernanda at 3pm our time (8am/9am central/eastern time) when she wakes from her nap and we weigh her. We'll continue this for these first few weeks....well, until she doesn't need daily prayer over her life. That doesn't mean we've stopped praying for her, just laying hands on her and interceding/begging God to save her little sweet spirit! We invite you to join us praying for Graca and continuing to pray for Fernanda.

Fernanda gained 330 grams in the last 2 days and has.......BEGUN TO CRAWL!!! Well, like 4 crawly steps when begged to come to us from just a foot away. But it means she's getting stronger, bonding, and becoming more interactive which is an amazingly rapid transformation for her! This normally takes a lot longer. She still isn't doing it of her own free will, but we know her sweet, beautiful personality will be shining brightly through her tiny diseased body someday soon! Continue to pray for her....she also has an infection and we started her on antibiotics today. She continues with high fevers everyday which makes her quite uncomfortable!

Meet Ernesto......
pronounce: "Err-nesh-two"

His registration papers tell us he's 15 months old....but i think you'll agree with me (and the number of his teeth, his weight/size, his vocabulary and language command, as well as developmental behavior) that he's at least 3 years old. He arrived the day after Fernanda, and I honestly just haven't had time to introduce you. He's living in our Baby House and has adjusting quite quickly despite the fact that he didn't know a word of Portuguese (only his tribal language) when he came to live with us! He has such a sweet nature and now tries to mimic everything you say and do to learn....and learning he is doing....quickly! Pray for his continued adjustment and quick language acquisition!

Thanks for praying for our beautiful children! And thanks for all the emails I've recieved in support and prayer and encouragement over these last few weeks re: Naftal and Fernanda. You are each wonderful and special to me. Thanks for blessing me and these children so wonderfully. Excuse me for not being able to get back in touch with each of you personally!

He gives and He takes away

2010-03-24T17:20:00.003+02:00

My heart is heavy today, as I know many of our other missionaries' hearts are as well, because little Naftal went to be with Jesus this morning at 1am our time. I think it's hard for two reasons....the first is Naftal is such a juxtaposition to Fernanda as God performed an undeniable miracle in this little girl, yet watched Naftal (mourning with us, I know) suffer greatly, and then die. His father was daily at his bedside praying for the tias and for Naftal. Naftal, himself, knew Jesus and prayed and asked others to pray for him. His dad called him and the tias every morning as well as visiting and prayed again with them. It's heartbreaking to see one so lifted up in the natural and other one, only in the supernatural. Of course, we also know Naftal is with Jesus and he has a new body without any suffering or pain and he is celebrating! We also know that God is and was and will still use little Naftal's life for His glory....in unexpected and possibly unknown ways. We don't know the affect Naftal and his dad's relationship with each other and with God had on the other children and their parents. As they prayed for the other little kids in his room....as Laura the missionary that visited him almost daily stopped in and prayed for everyone she met on the pediatric surgical ward....we don't know what seeds these events have planted or how God will use this event and Naftal's life in the lives of everyone he has known and touched. But we KNOW Naftal's life served a purpose and it will not go forgotten. It will be used to glorify God! We were absolutely blessed and privileged to have been chosen to walk with him for the brief moments at the end of his life. That is a gift and a blessing and we claim and acknowledge that! Praise God that He answered our prayers (albeit in an unexpected and undesired way) to touch Naftal, to comfort him, to make him whole, and to take away all sickness, disease, pain, and suffering. God answered each of these prayers, in His timing, in His ways!

The second reason it's a bit hard, is it's opened up a slightly raw spot in my heart that was healing for little Dino....and that pain has been revisited! Please pray for all the missionaries and tias involved in little Naftal's care....his father and his young brother...all the little boys that lived with him in his camarata as they process this....all the youth that have been faithfully praying for him daily, believing a miracle for him....that NONE would lose faith or hope through these events, but would press in and be drawn closer to Our Lord during this time...that they would know Him as their comforter, guide, protector, and healer.

On the giving side of things.....Fernandinha gained another 70 grams (2 1/2 ounces) yesterday and today 320 grams (almost 11 ounces) and is up to 7.33 kg now (16 lbs). She had now made it through her first 3 days since arrival with NO vomiting....those were also her first 3 days of harsh, chemotherapeutic drugs! This was also all gained even by dropping her late night feeding. Praise the Lord. The new team of tias, who haven't seen her since they left Friday morning (before her amazing transformation), came on duty today and the first thing they said to me when they saw me was.....Fernanda is so much better....look at how fat she is and she's gobbling up all her food. Her grandmother was there at that exact moment and you could see the pride and thankfulness and excitement in her eyes as she expressed the same of Fernanda. I was able to recount the story of how God performed a miracle and we can give all the glory to Him because of our prayers and his goodness. They were all so excited. I asked about Fernanda's mother, who is still in the hospital very very sick (since December) and to be able to say we (along with a host of others all around the world) are praying for her daily! Continue to pray for this little girl, who is NOT out of the woods yet, her family, and the tias taking care of her...that LIVES would be changed as He is changing and speaking life over little Fernanda!!! We'll probably be dropping the 2 bottles she is taking with her rice/beans at lunch and dinner! Yeah God and Fernanda! We are waiting for that JOY to come bubbling up from within her spirit and to see her smile and laugh!!!

on admit with Kwashiokor's malnutrition

7.36 kg (16 lbs 6.4 ounces)

last Thursday at her lowest weight

5.97 kg ( 13 lb 4.5 ounces)

today, 3 days after starting TB meds & exactly 1 wk after prayer & a miracle

7.33 kg (16 lbs 4.2 ounces)-all fat and no edema

We're continuing to pray daily with her and over her with our tias in the Bercario at 3pm our time (8am/9am Central/Eastern Time). Please join us!

Aftershocks

2010-03-22T22:39:00.000+02:00

What comes AFTER God shows up, in response to a church/people gathered together crying out in prayer and He performs a miracle?? The only sensible thing is to give praise, celebrate, and tell others of His goodness and mercy! In fact, it doesn't seem simply sensible, but the only thing you can do....it's completely natural. And that is what we are doing.

This weekend, starting after prayer at evening church on Thursday, God has shown up in mighty ways. Not just in the life of little Nanda, but also in the lives of the tias and our Mozambican nurse that work with her. This morning I spent a few minutes speaking with Nurse Aurora about what happened over the weekend and how God had been listening to all our prayers and was answering in a mighty way. 2 hrs later, I walked into the Bercario (nursery) to find her carrying Fernanda around, dancing and singing with the other 2 Mozambican tias, hands raised to the heavens, giant grins spread across their faces, praising the Lord for what He had done in Nanda's life and just giving glory to Him through worship! It was breathtaking! This evening I stopped by the weekly chefe meeting of the older youth that help with leadership/mentorship over the dorms. They had been asking and wondering what was God's response to their constant prayers and Thursday night church.....so I told them the good news.....and......they were excited and encouraged and have seen proof of God's faithfulness.

One of the other nurses on base, Aleya, went with little Nanda today to the Tuberculosis clinic to get her started on treatment.....with the favor and mercy of the Lord going before us.....1-she got started on the meds, despite the fact that the correct paperwork hadn't been filled out by our doctor (so our doctor has to fill it out and we'll bring it back the next time we come). 2-Aleya didn't have to wait hours in line, but took little Nanda right in and was told that our Mozambican clinic helper can just bring the card and pick up her meds each time without waiting and there is NO NEED to bring Fernanda with her. 3-she gave us 2 weeks worth of meds!!! 4-They didn't have the medications our doctor wrote for so, she simply figured out the correct dosing for the same meds (just in a differnet pill/combinations instead of one single pill for all 3 meds) and gave them to us that way! Praise the Lord. These might seem like all logical simple things to you, but believe me when I say, these are amazing things that would NOT have happened without God's help as NONE of them are the protocol...Mozabicans are all about following protocols and almost never use rational thinking to make logical decisions if something deviates from the protocol.

Today Fernanda did wonderful with eating again. She is a bit more alive and interactive and seems stronger. She gained......another miraculous 390 grams today! We dropped the 3:30 am feeding. hip hip hooray! She hasn't had any side effects from her first dose of medicine and kept it down....the first few weeks usually results in vomitting up food and the meds after each doseage as they are chemothearpeutic and are very harsh for such little ones. But praise the Lord, all she's been doing in jumping out of our arms and squealing when she sees food! How precious is this little one!

We are continuing to fight for Fernanda daily at 3pm as she gets through these hardest first weeks and we ask for you to join us. But we are also crying out for 8 year old Naftal tonight! He is waiting for a biopsy on Wednesday to redetermine the type of cancer he has before the proceed further, as they are beginning to think it is NOT as they previously diagnosed. His condition is very grave. He can't walk more than a step or 2 and can't sit up for more than a minute or two. He is constantly writhing around in pain. He is hungry, but cannot eat as he is too nauseous and doesn't have room in his tummy for anything but the oppressive fluid buildup and tumors. He is only recieving tylenol (paracetamol) for his pain. That is it! He is struggling for breath and is unassisted in every way. They are doing nothing for him and he is suffering. In the natural....next week is a LONG way away for him to make it, still living. And now he has malaria-on top of EVERYTHING else. But our God is bigger than this. We are crying out for supernatural lifting of his symptoms, pain...we want to see him comfortable, smiling, laughing, and eating. We want the tumor to NO LONGER be there when they go to do the biopsy on Wednesday. We want the malaria parasites to be removed from his bloodstream, from every organ. We want health and life to be restored to this little boy and his family!

Thanks again for standing with us, for expecting and faithfully believing in the miracles He is performing!

My help and my deliverer-Fernanda update

2010-03-21T16:02:00.004+02:00

Thursday night we brought Fernanda to the front of the church to be prayed over by missionaries, educators/tias, older youth, kids, Mozambican pastors, and visitors. We were at our wit's end, nothing was working, and she had just lost 300 grams (14 ounces) in one day. The whole church lifted up her name in one voice and prayed with all their heart for healing for this one little baby girl. We prayed for over 20 minutes. Many kept praying after I had no more words or tears left. Fernanda, wide eyed and alert, just stared around at everyone with their hands outstretched, touching her, calling out her name.

Friday a few of us missionaries started gathering daily at 3pm to pray over her while many of you all around the world got on your knees and joined us at exactly the same time. We weighed her Friday and for the first time we had an utter halt in her weight. She didn't gain weight, but she didn't lose anything. She started having an appetite and eating all her food. Saturday she gained 60 grams (I made a mistake if you read the previous update). I shared with the tias our joy, excitement and expectation to see God show up and help little Fernanda. I told them about all of you interceding all over the globe for this one little girl. They were amazed and in awe. That night the two tias that were on shift together gathered and prayed over her together. Today (Sunday) she gained........510 grams (that's over 1 lb)!!!!! She is now 14 lbs 6 ounces (6.54 kg). We have not changed a single thing in her care.....she ate everything again today and has still been crying out for more food. She has life in her eyes and is much more comfortable today. She has started bonding with one of the tias on this shift. The tias are excited and amazed at the work God is doing. We are too!!!

We have been praying for healing, comfort, fever reduction, a ferocious appetite, weight gain, bonding with the tias, healing of her mother, to bring the family together-back to unity and closer to God using this event, for wisdom, for Fernanda to be plucked out of the mire and set on the firm Rock of God so that she can grow old and have a family and take in orphans and babies that are near death like herself and love them with the LOVE of GOD back into His arms....so she can cry out and tell of the miracles He has performed in her life, how He has changed her and saved her, set her apart for GREAT things! Praise the Lord for hearing our prayers and answering them! Continue praying for tomorrow as she starts treatment, for no side effects from the harsh medications and for grace and favor with the Mozambican medical system as we attempt to navigate it (they can require us to come 5 days a week and wait hours each time to receive her daily meds as all the other patients have to do for the entire 6 month treatment period). Pray for her continued weight gain, fever reduction, comfort, bonding to the tias. Pray also for encouragment of the tias/drawing them closer to our Heavenly Father as they see his mercy, grace, love, and power through this experience.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD." -Psalm 40:1-3

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all you iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." -Psalm 103: 1-5

Thank you for the prayers for Fernanda. Keep them coming!!

Updates on our peapods-an invitation to prayer

2010-03-18T21:37:00.004+02:00

UPDATE 20/3:
-Fernanda ate every bit of every bit of food we gave her today. All of it. with only 1 very unfortunate vomitting episode. This means all of each and every one of her every 3 hr around the clock bottles with ironman formula, 1/2 a banana, 2 small bowels of rice/beans, a bottle full of baby cereal, and my special ironman shake of yogurt, ironman formula and peanut butter. She made it all day without vomitting until tonight right after her very last bite of rice/beans. This is the most food she has ever taken. The tias even said she wanted more. We aren't pushing our luck yet. But we are giving God all the praise as this is a miraculous turn around for her in 24 hrs. Plus........she gained 60 grams (2 ounces). Hip hip hooray!!!!! I don't care how much it is, as long as it's in the black! The tias were celebratory this afternoon and in awe that so many people were praying all around the world at the same time every day for this one little girl! They are seeing the amazing results of prayer as well. Praise the Lord for His goodness! Continue praying for little Fernanda as she'll start treatment on Monday that will help her, but possibly hurt her at first!

-Naftal Our center director and his wife (Also a nurse) talked to the doctor taking care of Naftal today but didn't seem to get anywhere or more information. They are still planning to do more tests next week to confirm a few things and plan treatment from there, but in the meantime, he is getting more and more unstable as they are doing nothing to treat any of his symptoms and he is very uncomfortable. Please pray for wisdom for the medical doctors treating him as well as us as a medical team for future decisions we may have to take!

UPDATE 19/3:
-Fernanda ate almost all her food today...Praise the Lord for that. And was doing a LOT better with not vomitting it up (which is simply becoming a control/learned response at this point reminiscent of Dionisio). We didn't gain any weight today, but we certainly didn't lose any either. She's 15 months and only weighing in at a little over 13 lbs (5.97 kg). She is litterally the definition of skin and bones. And she's tall for her age. Our doctor agreed today that she is tuberculosis positive and to start her on medicines (though it will have to wait till the clinic is open on Monday), but she really wanted to have her admitted to the pediatric ICU to do so. Well let me tell you that I almost lost my cool, but by the grace of God....my blood started boiling and I had heartbreaking flash backs to watching baby Addie waste away and die a very slow painful death for almost 6 weeks, finally gasping for each and every breath for her last few days of life without any help or pain meds. I pleaded in the best Portuguese I knew and fought back tears as I explained how fearful I was to take her in there (Addie died from tuberculosis infection as well...at admit the ER doctor wrote that it was TB and to start her on meds and they waited and did absolutely nothing until the last few days of her life). Fernanda does not have WEEKS to start on TB meds and I envisioned this same thing happening. If the meds don't work and she is going to waste away and go home to live with her Heavenly Father, she is going to do it here on base, surrounded by people daily praying for her and loving on her, not in a hospital, surrounded by germs and people that don't care and yell at our tias, don't do anything for her, and being poked and prodded for her last days. Plus, honestly the hospital can do nothing for her that we aren't already doing. She doesn't need IV meds, or IV fluids, or a feeding tube, or invasive tests to confirm anything. She needs love, and all the good foods we are giving her (which they would NOT do), care, cuddling, and praying that we are doing here. She is monitored 24 hours a day by us...the tias keep a miraculous record of everything that goes in and everything that comes out for us. The only thing that is left is God's intervention and TB treatment. Please continue standing in prayer for her with us daily at 9am Eastern time/8am Central time. She will start medication on Monday!

-Naftal-now has some sort of test (don't know what) scheduled for next week, which means they will do nothing until then. He is very uncomfortable and has labored breathing. He has gained 6 kg (13 lbs), all fluid in his abdomen, since admission to the hospital, never once having any of it removed to help him. The father has asked to speak to the doctor for a few minutes for an update and the doctor has ignored him. They are still not treating ANY of his symptoms or giving him blood. Please continue praying for this little one as well!

ORIGINAL POST:
Fernanda-well, my plan failed miserably....I was beaten by the Princess. She not only figured out that I had put ONE spoon of cereal powder into her milk, but she SMELLED it before it touched her lips and knew, screaming and pushing it away. At least, she has a fighting spirit. Unfortunately, it's working AGAINST us. Then I tried the favored beans/rice from yesterday that she so loved. The minute she saw it, she was squirming out of the tias arms (to get AWAY), pushing it away, and crying. 0-2. Then I tried my power shake-milk, yogurt, and peanut, mixed until drinkable. Well she wasn't thrilled and loudly let us know, but she did drink 3/4 of it, only vomiting 1/4 it back up. 1-3. The beans/rice were a no go again tonight. She lost 300 (yes you read right) grams today...that's 14 ounces....16 is a pound. She doesn't have an ounce to lose much less 14 of them. I'm trying a new baby cereal with her tonight to hopefully entice her. I'm not holding my breath though. The problem is three fold....a-it's a control thing. b-loss of appetite due to the Tuberculosis. c-she's a toddler. And clearly, we're getting our butts KICKED!

On a serious note....she isn't doing well. She's shrinking before our eyes and the first weeks of TB meds will be hard on her little body, harder than what she's battling now. We don't have weeks to wait before they kick in and increase her appetite and increase her weight gain. She will die before then. She HAS to put on some weight. Like a week ago. She is taking an Ironman formula (extra fortified with oil and sugar) every 3 hrs literally around the clock even when she refuses the food we are giving her and even that is not helping with the weight gain. Please join us in prayer. We took her tonight to be prayed over at our weekly church service. And we all prayed over her for healing and strength and wait gain and for the TB to be removed from her body, and for the will to live, for a spirit of JOY to come over her, for LIFE, for a hunger for food, for a miracle. This afternoon, before church, God laid it on my heart to start asking people to pray for her daily. So the missionaries here on base are going to gather around Nanda every day in our clinic at 3pm when she wakes from her nap and it's time to be weighed and we are going to lay hands on her and pray. EVERYDAY. until she doesn't need it anymore. We are inviting each of you to pray with us at exactly the same time as we are praying. If you are on eastern time that will be 9am. If you are central is 8am. Please stand with us and intercede for this very precious baby!

Naftal-is not doing any better either. It has been confirmed that the Wilm's tumor has metastasized to his heart as well as his second kidney. They have decided to start chemotherapy first and try to shrink the tumors before doing surgery. They are still not treating any of his discomfort, severe anemia, fluid filled abdomen, or problems breathing. Please pray just as hard for Naftal, the tias staying with him, the missionaries working with Laura's dorm, the kids and tias in Laura's dorm and Naftal's family (brother and father)!

Thanks for lifting us up in prayer! We are expecting and waiting for God to show up in a mighty way!

Princess Peanuttiness

2010-03-17T17:54:00.001+02:00

Princess Peanuttiness...though i'd really like to call her Princess Pea-nothingness....but that's sounds a bit mean and hopeless. so Peanuttiness it is. Also, Chelsia (18 months) likes to call her Nanda since Fernanda is a bit too much to form in her mouth. I like it too cause she's much too small for Fernanda.

We finally gained weight today. Though it is explained ONLY by 1 of 2 options: it's a-false weight gain and we'll see a big loss tomorrow or b-all GOD. She vomitted way too much yesterday, ate/drank way too little yesterday, was dehydrated all day yesterday because of the first two and then all day today she peed and pooped like mad, still not eating superbly. That does not equal a 100 gram weight gain (3.5 ounces). But I believe in miracles and I'm choosing to believe a miracle for this little one, cause that's what she's going to need to survive.....we are now back up to 6.37 kg (14 lbs).

Her fevers are still continuing, still shedding like a snake and we're still waiting for Friday to come (even faster). Today I trialed a new food regime....step 1: get the kid to eat; step 2: give her what she knows; step 3: disguise everything else so she chooses to eat what she thinks she knows and likes; step 4: success! celebrate.

I mashed up rice and beans in desperation today (which in reality was my plan that i tentatively made out last week as my food guideline, but since she's been eating so poorly and vomitting so much, i thought it best to hold off a bit more). She LOVED it! Practically jumped out of Meghann's arms while I was making it. Then she proceeded to eat 1/2 of the small bowl I fixed her and drink 100 ml of milk (remember it's the special ironman milk i made for her full of calories and fat) WITHOUT VOMITING. So now we have a new plan: I've eliminated the paphinha (breakfast cereal) after she wised to our attempt to syringe feed it to her...well at least SHE thinks I've eliminated it....I'm going to attempt to sneak it in with each and every bottle she eats by mixing a spoonful into every bottle since she's exerting her power over this area of food. Next, I'm going to make a yogurt/milk/PB smoothie for her to drink in the afternoons since she's refusing the yogurt....hoping/praying this will work tomorrow. She seems to like all things drinkable. And lastly, she will eat rice and beans 2x/day everyday till she starts putting on weight...most important for her high protein needs. We are keeping the banana as she seems to like that and the potassium is really good for her. And we're starting on big girl multivitamins (as the the malnourished baby ones without iron) with a BIT of iron in it as she needs it and I think her body can finally process it! We aren't quite ready for the full iron supplements (which we are working toward and she will need), but we are getting there. Slowly.

Thanks for praying for her....keep it up!

Updates of urgent prayer request-updated daily-ish

2010-03-15T11:56:00.004+02:00

UPDATES 16/3:
-Fernanda started very reluctantly with yogurt today. vomitting it up 2x. She did like my 1/2 of a banana i gave her this morning-well half of that half anyway...then held it in her stomach for 3 hrs and vomitted it up on Meghann. I DID give her a no vomitting lecture. she must have heard, understood, and obeyed. Next time, I'll be a bit more specific. We haven't done very well on feeds today and she lost another 30 grams (ounce). I find that anytime the staff changes (every 4 days) she seems to go back to the vomitting for 24 hrs and refusing to eat. Never good for us. We did make it to the clinic today and did all the labs. Praise the Lord (and thanks to everyone praying) they managed to get all her labs done in just ONE stick. Seriously. three tubes worth. She did a chest xray and then we got her ppd (for tuberculosis) done. Her labs all looked normal: malaria-neg(3x now); HIV-neg (that's at least 2x now); complete hemogram (to look for infection)-normal with just slightled elevated platelets; Hemoglobin/hematocrit (to check for anemia)-only borderline low; electrolytes-normal; ESR (check for chronic infection indicative of a bazillion chronic infections but most importantly tuberculosis)-only slightly elevated; Chest xray-pretty normal give or take a few spots. So I took them to our Moz doctor that visits us 4x/week and presented her case-history, symptoms, what i've done since arrival, how she's responded, all her lab results, chest xray, and finally, her yellow immunization card that tracks her weight monthly from birth. She looked it over, did a full assessment and felt like Tuberculosis was our best offender (which I thought from the beginning). So the plan is-wait till Friday to see her results of the ppd TB test, see how she does (which she's had a huge fever all day-NOT helping with the gaining weight thing) and then a-start her on the most powerful oral antibiotic we have, despite the fact that her labs don't really indicate a big infection that shouldn't be responding to the 3 round of pretty powerful antibiotics, all from different classes and broad-spectrum that I gave her and then b-start her on TB treatment, even if her ppd is negative (which it most likely will be if her immune system is so shot from the TB and malnutrition that it can't even form a response to the tuberculin they placed under her skin). Please continue praying for her. TB meds would be great if it's her problem, but even then they are VERY harsh chemotherapeutic like drugs that have very harsh side effects as well....for such a sick little one, they are NO fun! And she NEEDS to start eating better and gaining weight!
-Alberto is still all better today, just need a little chest physiotherapy 2x today to help him break up his snottiness!
-Naftal I don't have an update at the moment...will let you know more!

UPDATES 15/3:
-Fernanda continued doing well with her cereal today even with peanut butter, though tonight she started clamping her jaw shut so the tias couldn't feed her. They are now feeding her cereal with a syringe. That's right. She's taking it to. She's not vomitting or having diarrhea, but the fever continues and she LOST 250 grams (1/2 pound) in the last 24 hrs. NOT GOOD at all. So I'm headed to a private clinic in town to do a battery of tests to see what's going on (besides the obvious infection that's not responding to her antibiotics). She's rarely having the energy to even sit up on her own and she is sleeping a lot. Please pray for this little one. We are in the danger zone as she is eating, not vomiting and doesn't have diarrhea, but still LOSING weight. Tomorrow we add in bananas and yogurt, both with peanut butter ONTOP of her milk feeds every 3 hrs. Ridiculous amounts of food at this point.
-Alberto on a happy note was better this morning not needing a nebulizer and by the afternoon still going strong, but his lungs weren't great. I had planned to give him a nebulizer before i left for the night, but when I listened to him at 7p he was insanely clear. everywhere. i checked again at 9:30pm and it's exactly the same. Praise the Lord. A strong and quick turn around.
-Naftal we got a super confusing report on him (as i'm not suprised) as he was mixed up with another kid. We were told it wasn't a heart problem, but infact the tumor had metastisized to his heart. Then we were told he had surgery today and the tumors are everywhere. Apparently, that was another kid. We still haven't cleared up the heart thing and if or when he had an echo, but we still think it's tomorrow and now it's looking like surgery on Friday or the following Monday. Continue praying though as he's still having trouble eating or breathing and is very uncomfortable. Nothing is being done to help him. He needs divine intervention for sure. Please continue praying for Naftal.

UPDATES 14/3:
-Fernanda ate more than half her cereal today twice with only a little tiny bit of vomitting. that makes me super happy....she didn't seem to mind that i changed (ie amped up) her milk this morning. she has been awfully sick though with no energy and just laying (but mostly sleeping) all day. Her fevers have continued, but seem to be getting a little lower and we're semi-peeing normally. small bits of progress. now if only she would gain some weight! We're starting peanut butter mixed in with her brkfst cereal in the AM. She is nowhere near out of the woods. I did a second malaria test today and it was negative again, but I'm seriously considering either starting her on a 2nd super powerful antibiotic or doing a round of malaria treatment just in case. Please continuing praying hard for this little Princess!
-Cleita doesn't even get updates anymore cause she is 150% better....eating her cereal and bananas and just milk (as opposed to the waterered down and mixed with electrolyte solution i was having to give her just to keep fluids down). She's super hydrated and ALL OVER THE PLACE today. She's making up for the last 3 days.
-Alberto is down to just 2 nebulizers a day and NONE with actual medicine in it.....he's slowly making a come around. Keep praying though. Sweet 5 month old tot. Him and Cleita still need immunizations but i've put them off for the last 2 wks cause they've been so sick...it may be a third after this round.
-Naftal i don't really know details, but Laura (the missionary over his dorm) says he's unchanged if not a bit worse today. I believe his echo (to look at his heart) is on Tues not Monday and the surgery isn't even on the schedule for the moment. Still not treating any of his problems.

UPDATES 13/3:
-Fernanda has not taken to the breakfast cereal well, very much asserting her authority to not eat when she wants to....which leads to vomitting....alot!!! It started last night and continued all day today. She didn't pee (again) for 18 hrs, but she finally peed before i left at 8pm. At one point in the day she seemed to be getting better and stronger, but tonight she only took 3 spoonfulls of cereal and vomitted 3 times and each times was tons! So now we're behind on her fluids. again. She's still not gaining weight. She's lost 2 lbs since arrival. Most of that was water/edema weight and is a good loss, but by now she should be gaining. Tomorrow she is starting on a super fortified formula with extra calories that will hopefully help. She still has a fever and I've decided that she is definately very sick with some sort of infection and is having trouble not vomitting up her antibiotics which is not helping. Please pray hard for this little girl. She should have gone to the hospital about 8 hrs ago, but I refuse to take her until she absolutely needs to go (And for the record....if we were in the States she would have been there 2 wks ago). The hospital will do way more damage then her staying here and she's only going if she needs: IV fluids, oxygen, or IV medications, otherwise, we're not chancing it as she's just to fragile!
-Cleita PRAISE THE LORD took a turn for the better at noon. This morning she looked like she was on the iffy line of going to the hospital and was still laying in the floor barely moving (as she had been for 3 days). I left and came back at noon and she was "grazing" all over the place, crawling and climbing and begging for water. This evening we couldn't keep her still and she was laughing and smiling and refusing to go to sleep cause she wanted to play. Her last dose of antimalarials was just a few minutes ago, but she'll remain on antibiotics for the next 6 days for her chest infection.
-Alberto is pretty unchanged. Happier and playing more, but still have respiratory problems. At least he only needed one real nebulizer tonight and 2 others simple ones (with just saline) to help liquify his snot. I'll be checking on him and Fernanda again at 10pm to see if they need more intervention before I head off to dream land. Pray he continues needing less and less help and NO nebulizers!
-Naftal surgery was cancelled for Monday as they are too worried about his heart. So they are going to do an echocardiagram to see what's really wrong with it....only took 2 wks to get them to this point. Though they still have not drained the fluid off his belly or given him blood and he's belly's getting bigger and it's harder and harder for him to breathe. On one hand, I'm thrilled at the fact that he's not going to surgery till the fix the anemia and all the fluid in his belly, but on the other hand, they aren't doing anything about it and the tumor need's to be removed and chemo started. It's a catch 22. Please pray for this little boy.

UPDATES 12/3:
-Wesley was in fact diagnosed with a VSD (small hole in his heart between his ventricles) today that he had since birth (explaining why he sleeps constantly) and is now beginning to close (explaining the new murmur) and they just want to monitor him (in December) to make sure it either all the way closed or alot more closed by then. Continue praying for him please.
-Fernanda is still shedding lots of skin and is still losing wt (mostly cause it's all fluid from how edematous she was) and she still has a really high fever and vomitted 2x today. Her malaria test was negative and so she started on a 3rd round of broad spectrum powerful antibiotics to cover her. She's starting on breakfast cereal tonight! Pray for healing, strength, and weight gain.
-Cleita is still really ill, vomiting and having diarrhea frequently but eating and drinking a lot. We are replacing fluids ontop of her normal to keep her hydrated. We started her on a broad spectrum antibiotic today as well because she sounds like she has got a chest infection on top of the malaria. All she does all day long is lay flat on her belly on the floor and stare. Pray for healing and strenth and for the medicines to work quickly!
-Alberto was seemingly on the bend, but needed a nebulizer treatment with actual medicine tonight as opposed to the saline solution we've been using for the last 2 days to just help liquify his thick snot. Please pray he recovers quickly from this bout with RSV.
-Naftal is even more swollen and having a hard time breathing. He is dangerously anemic, but they are refusing to give him blood because the nurse forgot (or didn't care to) do his lab draw 2 nights ago even though he's going in for a major surgery on Monday. He has new jugular vein distension (if you are medical you'll understand). Please pray for a miracle for this little boy!

A few very urgent prayer requests

2010-03-11T20:34:00.007+02:00

Well, if you've been reading my blog, you know about Wesley (11 months) and his new heart problem. We go back tomorrow for a full diagnosis after an Ultrasound of his heart by a cardiologist. Please pray for discernment, for health, and that the hole closes on it's on without sideeffects in the mean time so he won't have to have heart surgery.

You will also know about Fernanda (15 months), who's slowly getting stronger and more interactive (and by that I mean she only turns her head if you are talking to her, or weakly and slightly moves her hands to you when you tell her it's time to go or do something)....she still cannot push up from laying to sitting, does not talk or play with toys, and does not crawl or stand. She's starting a bland breakfast cereal tomorrow so that's progress. She started with high fevers today. All of our bercario tots have been really sick the past 2 wks so pray she is not coming down with the funk as her little body cannot handle any kind of infection. Also, her skin all over is shedding like a snake skin. I'm not kidding. It's good, but slightly painful. Pray for healing and strength and that she will know, feel, and respond to LOVE.

Thanks for praying for Alberto in the Bercario (little 5 month old with RSV). He's getting much better but still not out of the woods and requiring nebulizers and chest physiotherapy (beating all over his chest for 5-10 minutes) 3x/day to help liquify and remove all those secretions. Continue praying.

Next urgent ones....these are NEW REQUESTS:

Cleita has been sick since the 25th of Feb. It has been one thing after another. She just made 9 months last week. I think she's only had 24 hours of no sickness since then. First it was fevers, then it was high fevers and flu-like cold stuff, then it was a stomach bug, and now it's malaria. Malaria is always serious but especially in children under 5....even more so with a child under one. She is really dehydrated and we are trying to catch up on her fluids, but of course, the nature of the beast, she keeps losing them. She started on some strong anti-malarials today. She was pretty frail all day today and the tias are feeding her and giving her a rehydration fluid every 1.5 hrs. Combined with Fernanda and Alberto and the other mischevious toddlers......they have their hands full. The good news is I think we caught it early (she had her 2nd negative malaria test on monday and tested positive this afternoon). The other good news is she has the rare, but mild type of malaria. Please pray for restoration of health, removal of all the parasites from her bloodstream and organs, rehydration, strength, and recovery of her immune system after.

Last but most importantly and urgently.....Naftal....he is not a child that I look after medically but he is seriously ill and needs as much prayer as we can give him. He is a little kid around 6 years old that hasn't been at the center very long at all (maybe 2 months). About 2 weeks ago he started complaining of symptoms that mimicked malaria. He was treated. A week later he was still complaining of symptoms and when the nurses saw him he was very jaundiced (yellow), his belly was giant and tight, his hands and feet and legs and face were all swollen. He was rushed to the hospital where he has been for the last 10 days. At first they thought he had hepatitis or other form of liver failure.....but now they've diagnosed him with a childhood form of cancer on his right kidney called Wilm's tumor. He is having surgery this Monday to remove it and then will begin chemotherapy. This is a huge thing for any child to go through in the Western world where we have amazing technology, good monitoring, wonderful doctors, nurses, and support staff, and cutting edge medicines. Little Neftal is in a very infectious environment with medicine from 50 years ago, staff who are less than brilliant to look after him (most is done by the tia staying with him that is not related to him and is not in anyway medical), and little to NO monitoring with labs or machines or vital signs, and to top it off a heart valve problem which will complicate his surgery and anesthesia during. Please lift little Neftal up and the tias caring for him in hosptial. Pray for his older brother that also lives in the center and has only been able to visit him once since he left. Pray for his father who loves him very very much, visits him each and every day, and calls the tia in the morning and night every day to pray with them and for Neftal. Pray for healing, strength, wisdom for the doctors, nurses, surgeons, and anesthesiologists, a successful surgery, a quick recovery, and toleration of the chemotherapy. I will try to keep you updated on all of these prayer requests! Thanks for joining with us.

Swaziland

2010-03-10T18:12:00.000+02:00

I went to Swaziland for 5 days with another missionary Laura to rest. We stayed at a little B & B in a chalet overlooking a field. It was quiet and peaceful and extremely restful.

There was a giant pineapple field across the road from where we were staying. Apparently that's how they grow. Who knew?? Not I.

Mostly we rested. I read books, watched TV (real TV from South Africa with American movies and TV shows), listened to sermons, played games, and slept.

We also did a little shopping at some of the amazing craft centers they have in Swaziland as a way to sustainably live. Last time I was in Swazi I went to a glassblowing factory where they make glass from all recycled glass products they collect, melt them down, and then recreate all kinds of things. It's pretty amazing. This time, Laura and I visited the candle making factory, where they handmake and form all kinds of different candles. It is incredible to watch them. I had a guy make me a hippo. He has been doing this for 10 years. Here's how they do it:

I picked out the color slabs I wanted for my hippo....then it was warmed in the oven to make the wax pliable. When it was ready, he took out a small ball of wax.

Then he added the color slabs and formed it around the ball.

Next he started molding the ball into a hippo body.

He used little wooden dowels to help him at times make the eyes and ears or simply press something back.

Then he cut out the legs and molded the color around it.

Then came more shaping.

After carefully examining it from all angles and mending and molding and smoothing.....he determined it worthy.

And then he put it in cold water to cool and set.

When it was done setting, he polished it and stuck a wick in it! Beautiful. I loved watching him do it from beginning to end.

Laura and I went to several places where they were hand making things....I ended up coming away with several things. It's funny, but I've been here for almost 2 years and I NEVER buy anything for myself. I suddenly realized that I could leave here and not have a single thing (besides photos and memories) to remember this beautiful continent by. So I picked up somethings to help me...of course the hippo. But also, a hand made and glazed bowl and mug, a few pieces of handcrafted jewlry (earrings, bracelet, and necklace), and the best one: Noah's ark! It's a small handmade wooden arc. You lift the wood and inside are lots of african animals two by two. Except for the girraffe....somehow the 2nd girraffe is missing. Clearly (cause I've seen them with my own eyes), the 2 made it off the arc safely and had babies, but perhaps it got lost in translation, or more likely, in packing. Sad. But i still LOVE it! I would love to have kids some day to play with it and ask me about it and I could share an amazing God story of creation, salvation, and Africa with them. I hope to post a pic of this soon, but I just haven't taken one yet!

Craziness

2010-03-09T20:52:00.000+02:00

Well, I got back from Swaziland last night VERY well rested to find out that i had been *elected* to go to the heart institute early in the morning with Wesley (11 months old) to evaluate his heart murmur that all of a sudden started last week....and boy is it loud! We've had him for 6 months now and he has NEVER had this mumur before and hadn't been sick recently. He has been a champ sleeper since we got him...ie asleep an astronomical amount of time for a baby both day and night, even now at 11 months.....

Anyway, Wes and I headed to my favorite (please read absolutely NO sarcasm here cause i, for once, mean it) medical place in town...the heart insitute. And as i had thought/diagnosed/hypothesised it was a VSD (ventricular septal defect which is basically a small hole between in his heart). I had guestimated he had it from birth and it was finally started to close and thus the diameter of the hole getting smaller, creating a bigger force of blood being pushed through, making a large murmurish sound when i listened to his chest last week. They did an ekg to check the rythm of his heart and checked his oxygenation level and then the doctor evaluated him and confirmed that she thought it was a VSD.....so we are off the the heart institute on friday morning to confirm with an echocardiagram (ultrasound of the heart) to make sure that's what we're dealing with and then we are going to pray it just closes on up by itself before it's 2. Hopefully that will help with his sleepy/tiredness!

Fernanda (introduced to you last blog) is doing MUCH better this week. On Wednesday we were having a lot of trouble with her. The tias couldn't get her to eat enough and she was starting to get dehydrated and her kidneys started shutting down.....so she didn't pee for 16 hrs and her hands and face were getting all puffy. She looked pretty miserable. Well, I took her to homegroup for the missionaries and well all prayed over her as a team at 7:30 and when i went back to check on her at 9:30 she had peed a lot and took her entire feeding (little by little out of a syringe, but done all the same) over an hour and kept it down. So much to my suprise when i went to check on her this morning....We stopped vomitting, took all our feedings on our own, peed and pooped appropriately (after intervention with prayer and medicine) and the swelling in her legs is almost all gone. She's even started reaching out to people and for things. Still no emotions shown or crying and she can't push up from laying to sitting even, but we are getting there bit by bit. Now we are just trying to get rid of her snake like shedding of the skin off her legs in giant sheets. Poor tot. Tomorrow we start with regular powdered formula (full strength) and pray her little tummy can digest and handle it. Continue to keep her in your prayers!

Little baby Alberto (also introduced last blog) has a bad case of (what i think to be) RSV (respitory syncytial virus)....he's 5 months old and not liking all the snot so much. He does seem to be on the bend a bit today, but keep him in your prayers as the snot disappears, he starts to breath easier, doesn't need nebulizers or chest pysiotherapy to break up all the mucous and finally gets back to playful smiley alberto! I used my mad NICU skills tonight to elevate his head of bed and secure him in a tight and developmentally perfect position with 3 blanket rolls to keep him from rolling over or scootching down so he could breathe easier all night. I knew they'd come in a bit handy here sometime.

Ok off to rest after a LONG day with NO coffee. Next blog post: Swaziland adventures and pictures. Stay tuned.

New Friends

2010-03-02T21:32:00.002+02:00

Hello friends! Surprised you haven’t stopped reading this yet. My apologies for not updating this in the last few weeks…honestly, I’ve been THAT swamped with work, then for the last 2 wks the internet has been so insanely slow it was practically non-existent…for the last 4 days i couldn’t even upload/download emails…then there was just my lack of motivation.

So here i am….to say goodbye to old friends and hello to new friends.

Twins, Catia (left) and Edsan (right) went home to live with their mom who just reappeared from SA and was ready to take them back. We still have their 3 year old auntie, Admira (in the green), but are praying for their quick and successful reintegration at home….and that they stay healthy and safe.

We said goodbye (sort of) to: Ryan, Jose, Arsenia, Rosa, and Albertina left the oldest tot room in the BH last week and went to live in Tracey’s toddler transition house for a year, before moving onto the “big kid” dorms. We still see them lots (and i still cover them medically), but they don’t live with us in the BH anymore.

Lucia from the bercario (nursery) has been transitioning via morning play dates to the BH and will move on Thursday as she turns two in just 2 days! So she’ll just change locations, but the bercario tias and kids will miss her a lot!!

We got two newbies I’d love to introduce to you and ask prayers for:

Alberto (pronounce: Al-burt-two)
He just turned 5 months a few days ago and he’s healthy and happy and chunky. He loves to giggle and smile and drool and he loves sucking his thumb. We are working on sitting in a tripod position but his belly gets a bit too much in the way for the moment. He rolls just fine and pushes up on his belly. That’s pretty much life for Alberto in the bercario (nursery). His mother died 3 wks after his birth and his dad just needs a bit of help at the moment. His 4 yr old sister is with us in the girl’s dorm as well.

Fernanda (pronounce: Fur-nan-duh)
She’s 15 months and only 16 lbs (7.36 kg) but much of that is water weight as she’s pretty sick with a type of malnutrition called kwashiorkor. This just means that while she’s super skinny in her arms and chest area, she’s also super deficient in micro-nutrients, especially proteins, and her body has begun to have problems with circulation in her lower extremities. She has skin breakdown (previous and current) on her legs and they are very swollen. I’ve started her on rehydration feedings for the next 12 hrs and then she’ll be on a special, easy-to-digest-for-malnourished-babies, milk every 3 hrs around the clock for the next week till i get her fluid balance back in line, all the water she’s retaining that is making her feet and legs swell gone, and gaining some healthy weight. She’s also on de-worming meds and 2 very powerful antibiotics plus lots of good multivitamins. After a week we’ll start re-feeding her with normal formula and then slowly start reintroducing bland solid foods that are super healthy and choc-full of calories and minerals/nutrients she needs.

At the present she can sit up somewhat on her own, could once crawl, but hasn’t in months because she’s too weak, and apathetically cries without tears. She also only speaks their tribal language and doesn’t understand my baby Portuguese. Pray Fernanda will settle in quickly, that we will know how to treat her medically and find the cause of her rapid decline over the last 5 months (as previously she was amazing on her weight and then rapidly lost and is at a dangerous weight right now), that the tias will have endurance and strength to keep up with her very demanding feeding schedule and how hard it is to encourage these little ones to eat at all or not eat too fast at times (think LOTS of patience); that her very sick, in hospital mother with get healthy and be able to leave and go back home, that Fernanda will become healthy, grow stronger and gain weight each and every day, growing in God’s love and light here in the bercario. She’s quite critical but stable at the moment and could use all the prayers you could lift up at the moment. Also, at the moment all the bercario tots are with fevers and bad colds, so pray she will not catch this and stay as healthy as possible! She has beautiful expressive eyes and reminds me of a female Dino when he came in to the center at first, very sick and malnourished.

Beetle Bug. (pronounce: bee-tahl buh)
oh no. he’s not a friend. though he has been hanging around my curtains for the last 24 hrs and gave me a bit of scare when i pulled them closed last night. but i don’t consider ANYTHING creepy or crawly or slithery or furry and rodenty a friend (if it scurries…..i definitely don’t like it). Funny that i live in Africa, yes….but we all have our limitations.

Well I’m off to Swaziland for 5 days starting on Thursday. This will be my first break in 3 months and I’m really way past due and exhausted. Pray for safe travels, rest and refreshment in the Lord, and strengthening as for the next 3 months we will be on bare minimum (or worse) nursing staff and i will be working an astronomical amount. Thank you in advance for ALL the prayers and support and encouragement. I could not do this without each of ya’ll!

Musical Program for Tots and Jazz Band

2010-02-10T21:57:00.040+02:00

Today was my day off. The day I really try to NOT do work and rest....kinda like my Sabbath. I work every other weekend all weekend long, 3 12hr shifts during the week and 5-8 hrs on Fridays (depending on the Friday). So on Wednesdays, I really try to keep from working and I rest....which means SLEEPING IN!!! If you know me, or have been around this blog long enough, you know that anything before 9 is early...10 (or later) is preferable. I am a night owl by nature and my circadian rhythm does not take kindly to changes....I've been TRYING for over 20 months now....no such luck. Getting up before 9 on a daily basis (no matter HOW much sleep I get) is exhausting. Constantly.

I was led to believe that the US Navy were coming today (they are docked in Maputo at the moment and always do service projects in the towns/countries where they are docked) and part of their program (with the help of a music guru ex-pat that lives in Maputo) would be a music program with the BH tots. I was also led to believe that this would INCLUDE cute tots with musical instruments sitting in a circle, looking all precious, banging drums and shaking tambourines and ringing bells and the such. Perfect photo opp, right? So, though it was my day off, I sacrificed sleep and woke at 8:30 and dragged myself out of bed, got ready, skipped breakfast, grabbed my camera and prepared for the cuteness of musical babies and toddlers.

I was led astray.

Enter me, coffee and camera in hand, slightly groggy and very tired. I was then told there would need to be a one-to-one adult to child ratio. I assumed this was because of the precious instruments and how toddler could be...um....occasionally...a bit...heavy handed and excitable with said instruments. I was wrong. Very wrong.

Enter the music guru ex-pat who runs a baby music program out of her home with the boom box, saying pick a baby (we did half of the BH kids first round so it was 1-3 yr olds) and let's all sit in a circle on the floor. Hmmm....where are the instruments? Oh yeah...let me interrupt this wonderful reenactment to say that my favorite toddler Dio, woke up on the WRONG side of the crib this morning. So from the moment I walked into the room he instantly became an extra appendage and really liked screaming. So I was stuck with the screaming tot as my partnered baby. We sat on the floor, then she started giving instructions. Let's bounce the babies on your knees to the music. Ok, D is 2 yrs. He's not REALLY a baby. and he's heavy. and I haven't worked out in 20 months. it's HOTT! and he's screaming cause I'm sitting on the floor with him and he'd rather us leave the BH. Then we are rocking the babies. Now we are standing and dipping and swaying. Then we're jumping with the babies....there's marching and free dance and more bouncing. We're on the floor, we're standing, the kids are supposed to be on the floor mimicking us, then we're sitting. My extra appendage doesn't separate so nicely, so we modified that song. Also, my extra appendage would much rather the standing songs, because then he has the HOPE that we might leave the BH. He despises the sitting ones. He knows he's doomed to stay. Not a happy musical tot. Finally it's over. I'm dripping with sweat with a very clinging tot and I'm already feeling the burn. The tias pry D off me for snack time and I run and hide in the next room so they can get him to settle down and actually eat.

Now it's time for round 2....the older BH tots.

I picked one of the youngest, cause this group is 3-5 yr olds and some of them are HEAVY! Mindah is laughing and playing until the moment we start the bouncing. Then the thumb goes into her mouth, she gets a scared look on her face and tries to sink into me. She's not so thrilled about this musical program. So we begin the dipping and swaying and bouncing...and man are 3 yr olds A LOT heavier than 2 yr olds. Then in the midst of it, Antonio gets free from his partner and decides he should be with me too. So now I have two "babies" (both 3yrs) to bounce and dip and sway with. Right......3 songs later, I pass of Mindah (who's not into it anyway) and keep giggling Antonio who's actually mimicking my moves and thinking this is a fun game. By now I'm just hot and tired and in need of water and am already sore. Finally it's over!

I do have to say that it was really cute seeing these big men get on the floor and dipping and swaying and especially free dancing/waltzing with toddlers. Hysterical even. The best part is that most of the tots, though they usually LOVE visitors, were petrified and didn't really want to go to the Navy men and "dance" with them. They mostly had frightened looks on their faces throughout the 30 min or so program. Even the older ones. Good thing I was lead to think it would be cute tots wielding musical instruments....cause I would have slept in and missed the workout if I'd have known the truth.

I've been told that this is going to become a biweekly program and that my help will be solicited. I think I'll need a lighter tot or two to make it through.

Later in the day....much, much, much later (2pm later).....the Navy's New Orleans's style all brass jazz band played for me...I mean, the kids. They seemed to really enjoy it. Especially seeing their reflection in the giant (to them) tuba! The kids were dancing around and the guys were really interactive with them. It was great! and boy do I miss live music and jazz music.

When coffee goes bad....

2010-02-10T21:57:00.016+02:00

Think back to that high school or college biology class you took....you know the one with the fun labs with petree dishes and culturing yummy organisms and watching them grow.

I arrived in my kitchen tonight to microwave some spagetthi I had made from the night before. As I was waiting patiently for the miracle of science to heat my food in a box....I noticed something very disturbing.

Surely minst eyes deceiveth me???

ok, I didn't REALLY think that...but close to it. and NO my eyes were not deceiving me......

The picture above is what awaited me.....I mean I LOVE me some coffee. But something about that just ain't right (as we would say in the South)!

It HAS to be something in the water.....maybe THAT'S why I'm always getting sick.....hmmmm.

ps. no. I did not culture it. but I would LOVE to know what was growing in there. and how many gazillions of them there were. You'd think that would make me think twice about drinking coffee. YEAH RIGHT. I'll have a cup tomorrow too. and I'll savour it! MMMM. MMMM.

Story Time

2010-02-07T23:14:00.000+02:00

Let me introduce you to the 2 main characters in this plotline:

This is Stinkster, Grumpster, Eyeore, Mr. Grumpypants, D, Dio, Dionis, Dionisio, or whatever he chooses to answer to depending on his mood at that moment in the day. He just made 2 years old at the end of Jan.

This is Anton or Antonio. He is 2 months shy of his 3rd birthday.

I have known them both since I arrived over 20 months ago.

They are both alike in many ways:

a-they are boys.

b-i like to shorten their names a lot.

c-they both have sorted emotional attachment issues.

d-they like to throw really good (and mostly hilarious) tempertantrums.

e-they have amazingly brilliant facial expressions, from which you can read their mood and temperant o the second.

f-they are both tremendously cute.

g-i love them both ALOT.

h-they love me.

I told you so.
Anyway, back to the story......

Antonio has come a LONG way since his arrival here (and mine) and has since MOSTLY stopped his outrageous tantrums that would be oh every 5 minutes or so (not really exaggerating either). After awhile he stopped crying with them and he would just make his eyes go blank, slip into another world, slink onto the floor and lay motionless until you either picked him up or he decided he was over whatever sent him into the tantrum to begin with. Despite how annoying most people thought the cute kid was....I loved him immediately and through the grace of God had the patience to deal with his screaming fits and having to pry him off of you when it was time to leave and the sheer terror you could see on his face. But like I said, he's pretty much over that now.

Dionisio has come a LONG way since my arrival here and is now an (ALMOST) thriving 2 year old, though still a bit behind developmentally. After finally learning to attach to a human around the age of oh 9 months, he has since developed a deep need to be attached to me when i'm in the room. He's like another appendage. Again, I love him and praise the Lord for the grace and patience to deal with it each day. He's learning to attach to other adults as well and learning how to self soothe himself (which most infants learn about the time they start rewaking up during the night after previously learning to sleep through the night). Some days are really good, and some days.....well horrible might be the nicest word for it.

Ever since Dio moved back to the Baby House, Antonio has LOVED D. He loves to pat him and tell him to calm down when he's crying. He brings him toys. He leads him places (by the hand). He gives him kisses and hugs and calls him Baby Dionisio. I think it's cause he knows that just like he's special to me, so is Dionisio.

Dionisio, well.....he's NOT so enamored with Antonio. Yes, Antonio has bit him a time or two. Side story: Antonio is a biter. Always was, still is. Much, much better about it. He bites when he's mad, suprised, happy, sad, for fun, and to say i love you. He doesn't really equate it with hate or meanness....he just does it because....even mid hug (the hug he's giving you). Ok, side story over. So like I said, it was out of love that he bit Dio....however, Dio is quite unforgiving. Dionisio feels VERY threatened by anyone that's taking the time or space that he feels is rightfully his...and by that i mean....ME. Therefore....he's usually VERY threatened and angry with Antonio even when Antonio is trying to hug him and play with him.

Today, Dionisio decided that, though Antonio was trying to sit on my lap and I wouldn't let HIM sit on my lap, that since he already hit Antonio over the head, he would make amends.....well kinda....he's laughing in this pic as he's hitting him again.

So Antonio steals the opportunity to seal the friendship and......

KISS Dionisio. The affection was tolerated.

Tomorrow will be a different story....as was this morning in church.

Oh sweet toddlers.

What's a maggot when it's NOT a maggot??

2010-02-02T22:03:00.000+02:00

Well, it COULD be tiny balled up pieces of paper that SOMEONE shoved (or had help shoving) into their ear.

Now why would someone do that? Oh yes. Because they are a not quite 18 month old and clearly LOVES paper. Now let's start this story a few months back (around 3) with me walking into the Bercario (nursery) to find Chelsia and Augustinho looking very mischievous. These two are just days apart and get into a lot of things together, encouraging each other to do bad things, and learning, and feeding off one another. Basically, they are cute messes! Real Cute! I half ignored the mischievous look on their faces, as I was honestly too busy to find out what they were up to, but something told me I should look into it. So I came a bit closer and noticed that Augustinho seemed to have something in his mouth. So I asked him to open up his mouth and inside I found balled up paper. I gently explained that paper was for the trash and not food for his mouth and that we do NOT eat paper. Then I took it out of his mouth and threw it in the trash, thus punctuating my point. I then got back to what I was doing....a few minutes later, I notice that he has MORE paper in his mouth. Perhaps I did not speak portuguese clearly enough to him. So I squat down and remove the paper and start to give a toddler version of a lecture on not eating paper when I notice that Chelsia has something in her hands.....it is THEN that I realize what was really going on. Chelsia had a small square of cardboard paper (like from a box of cereal or such) and had been tearing it into tiny pieces and literally hand feeding it into Augustinho's mouth, who was thus eating it. I burst into laughter, took away the paper from Chelsia and the paper out of Augustinho's mouth and then explain (again) why we DON'T EAT PAPER! Chelsia immediately burst into tears, threw herself into the floor and Augustinho stamped around screaming at me. Apparently, I had ruined all their fun. But I was hoping that the paper is for lixo (trash) had sunk in....

Fast forward to last week. The tias bring dear Chelsia to me because her ears look dirty and she's pulling at them. I look and sure enough they look as though perhaps they have an infection in them. I go grab my otoscope from the Baby House and have a little look. One looks super dirty and I can't see much, so I pour some normal saline into her ear to loosen up the dirt and have a better look.....she immediately starts screaming and grabbing her ear and wiggling out of my hands....that's weird it shouldn't hurt that much. I man handle her a bit and let the water do it's job....I then flip her over to have a look at the other ear. This one looks a bit red and pussy and I clean it out with some water. No reaction. Hmmm....why did her other one hurt so much, I think to myself. Back to the first ear. I look in and now there's a giant round, very white and oddly looking thing in her ear. In fact, it looks just like a maggot. Not what I think a maggot looks like. No, it looks just like a maggot cause I've seen and extracted them from children and missionaries in my time here. Disgusting. Hmmm. Why does Chelsia have a maggot in her ear? Well that would explain the fit she just through. Maggot's need air to breathe and I successfully cut of his supply off and tried to drown the sucker...he was probably moving all over the place and hurting her. Now I think....in all my time in nursing school and working in the hospital as a neonatal nurse, and all those hours watching medical shows, not once do I recall what to do if you find a maggot shoved into a 1 year old's ear. So I think. And decide, perhaps if I attempt to drown him again, he'll come even closer to the top and I can just grab him out with tweezers. Right. I pour in some more normal saline and Chelsia throws another grand fit. I look again, even closer to the top. I knew it. I'm going to DROWN him out. stupid worm. I continue. After several more minutes, I decide I might need a little more backup as my brilliant plan isn't exactly working out like I had hoped. Clearly not my fault. So I call in Meghann. I hand her the otoscope and the bottle of normal saline and say....chelsia, right ear, have fun. let me know what you think. She takes one look in her ear and says....she totally has a maggot in there! Yup, that's what I thought. Thanks for the confirmation. So then, the 2 of us try to drown out the maggot. Without success. Though at one point I could see it very clearly at the top of her ear canal with just the light and was attempting to extract it, when the fact that one little wrong move (from her of course) could result in me busting her ear drum. So I give up and decide we'll flush it out with a syringe. No. We do NOT have those cool ear syringes. But what we do have, are normal syringes. So I filled a 60 ml syringe with normal saline, plunked Chelsia into a baby bath tub, meghann held her and I **attempted** to force that sucker out of it's cave. Chelsia did not like my idea. And now the darn maggot had curled itself up around the opening to her ear canal and was too far in for me to pull it out. Darn thing. So we conceded and decided we'd let the Mozambican doctor that afternoon have a go.

That afternoon, I bring her into the the doc and say....so I have a little problem for you.....there's a maggot in Chelsia's right ear, could you please remove it? Well he takes a look and says....did you look with one of these (motioning to his otoscope)? Why yes of course I did. I responded with the same. He looks at me funny and says, there's no maggot in there. I say....ummm.....well there's something in there and it's big and it's white and it moves and it hurts her. To which he responded...there's no worm or maggot in there. I said, did you see the big white thing.....he says, what, this? I say yes, that giant squirmy white thing.....he replies....THAT is normal. Um. Now, I know I'm NOT a doctor. Believe me. I respect that fact, but I know what a normal and a not so normal ear looks like and I especially know that giant white squishy round tubular things are NOT normal for anyone's ear. The End. So I say....well what is it then. He replies- I don't know. To which, I respond....what would you like to do about this normal giant white thing in her ear that was never there before. and he says oh let's just give her ear drops and put her on antibiotics. I take a breath and the prescription and walk out. after mumbling thanks, I'm sure. I take Chelsia back to the Bercario and call in back up # 3. Jannie. I say, please look in Chelsia's ear and tell me what you think that giant white thing is in her ear, cause I've been told it's normal. She conferred with myself and Meghann. So jointly, we decide on an extraction plan. We haul her back up to the air-conditioned clinic and put her on the one stretcher we got. Then the 3 of us go to it....I hold Chelsia, Meghann's got the light, and Jannie's got the tweezers ready to do some damage. By now, I'm pretty convinced that I've killed the maggot cause it's been in the same position and location for the whole afternoon and Chelsia doesn't scream anymore when you put in the water. Probably drowned the little stinker....So Jannie tries to scoop it out and gets a piece of it. Hooray! I grab a piece of tissue and she puts it on there and starts to go back for the rest of it.....When I notice.....it's NOT a maggot after all....but it is CERTAINLY NOT normal to have in your ear.....it's paper. Tiny pieces of wad up paper. We spend 5 minutes extracting lots and lots of paper from her ear. She still has some in there too. Then I started her on antibiotics, gave her a big hug and explained that paper does NOT go in your ear EITHER! Perhaps I should have been more specific last time.

Coming back down

2010-01-28T17:25:00.032+02:00

Well I've come back and hit the ground running so I haven't had much time (and the internet has been most uncooperative) lately to upload pics and give you a report on my adventures North to Chimoio. I'm taking a few moments now, though.....so, here goes.....

First, why I went:

A few months ago I think I wrote that God's been really placing to work more closely with the community on my heart. I've been praying about and dreaming about what that would look like and opportunities to do so. I've contacted a few other mission agencies and smaller projects to see what they are doing medically in Moz and see if it's something He would have me be a part of. I've already explored a community close by here (45 minutes away allowing me to remain at Iris and just start a new project within our ministry) that is in desperate need of medical help, but after really praying and seeking His will, I felt like (along with another missionary) that it would be an unsustainable project at the present, that we don't have the man power, and that our help actually (in the long run) might be a hindrance, rather than a step up for the community. Also, during this time, I feel like God has given me a pretty clear vision on what He wants me to be a part of and how I'm to fit into it, and honestly, that wasn't it. So, through a random series of God-incidences I came in contact (for 2 minutes) with a nurse who previously worked here at Iris in Zimpeto and is now working 18 hrs north of Maputo way out in a small tiny town called Chimoio. To be honest, I didn't really know what to expect or even much information about the project. In the end, the information I did have, was outdated and wasn't even valid by the time I got there. But God had place it in my heart to go there and visit and pray and then he provided the way, coverage here on the base, and the money for the plane ticket. So I went.

The team there:

I was BLESSED....see my last post about provisions if you haven't read it already. I had so much fun and was truly encouraged by some very bold, wise, and experienced, single missionary women. The 3 women that have been at the project the longest have been living and working in Moz as missionaries for over 10 years EACH. There's another family (who was away on furlough but due back soon) who has 5 children, all who were born (except 1) and raised in Moz for the last 17 years. Talk about wisdom and encouragement and experience. Amazing. There are 3 other missionary girls helping out and living with them all around my age and in Moz each for less than 2 years. They all live on a very small compound with 2-3 guards (of which at least 2 are armed) at all times and 4 dogs (that make VERY good watch dogs and friendly companions too). The guards are all pastors in bush churches as well as amazingly friendly, hardworking, kind, and generous. There's also a grounds keeper that helps with watering things, cutting the grass, weeding, ect. Then they have a Mozambican that works 5 days a week preparing 2-3 meals per day for all the staff, visitors, and missionaries. They all eat together for at least 1 meal a day as a family. Everyone at the same table. They have room to have 16 visitors, but they are rarely full and it is usually always teams of people the staff personally know.

The area:

Chimoio is a 1.5 hr plane ride from Maputo (capital city where I live) and about an 18 hr drive north. It's 2 hrs West of the 3rd largest city (Beira) in Moz. It's also 1.5 hrs East of the Zimbabwe border. It's pretty rural. The airport has one gate. There's one shoprite (western grocery store from SA). There's one government run pharmacy and one private pharmacy. There's one private clinic in town, one small government run clinic and a small hospital. There's 2 main roads that have shops on it, one post office, and one bank. There's just a handful of restaurants to chose from. They live 30 km (19 miles) outside of Chimoio, right across from their baby clinic. The live off the main road that is the corridor from Beira to Zimbabwe. The area surrounding where they live is pretty much the bush.

The project I went to see and help at:

There is a Physician assistant that is the director of the entire project (called Africa 180). She's essentially the encourager, pioneer, and the person that gets things off the ground and running. She's the dream assister. Everyone else are the dreamers that just need help getting their vision off the ground. Once you establish what God has placed in your heart to do, she'll help you, but you're in charge of the fundraising, support team, manpower, ect. So everyone there is working on different projects independently of each other, but not really fighting for resources or finances, ect. They are able to pray for and encourage each other in what the Lord is doing in and through them. All of them work on a project outside of the compound where they live, directly dealing with the community and helping it somehow.

The baby clinic:

They just opened this particularly new clinic about 6 wks ago (though they have been doing the project for much longer). At the moment, the building isn't completed yet and they are without water, electricity, or air-conditioning (to keep the medications at a stable temperature for storage). They deal with what they have.

The clinic is primarily focused on babies and toddlers. It's a nutrition program aimed at health and education. They have anywhere from 500-600 registered children that they see weekly or every other week depending on where they are in the program and what their health status is at the present. The clinic is open only 3 days a week at the present. There are 2-3 nurses that staff the clinic and 2-3 Mozambican women that they have trained to simply assist them with simple tasks and help do administrative things. The children come from 60-100 km (37-62 miles) away in every direction around the clinic.

The mother/father/grandmother (or whoever the caregiver might be-distant relative, neighbor, church member) has to get the child there in whatever way they can afford or logistically do. They only occasionally have enough money to help with transport. Some of the women start walking at midnight the night before to get there the next day. Most all of the children have or had HIV positive mothers, but occasionally the child is sick and not thriving for any number of reasons and is admitted to the program. All the children have to be registered with and seen by social services before they are admitted to the program. Once admitted, the nurses check them out physically, educate the caregiver on nutrition, medical information, disease processes, simple health matters, and monitor the child's progress weekly or every other week. They encourage and recommend the caregivers to get the child HIV and tuberculosis tested when necessary. The caregivers are expected to go to the doctor when the child is sick and produce papers and prescriptions at their next appt. They have to show documentation of the parent's and child's HIV status, ect and must be registered with the HIV clinic or TB clinic and show that they are keeping the consults and taking their medications. The caregiver's health and wt are also monitored. They provide health care to any family member of the child admitted to the program. They encourage breastfeeding, good nutrition, and healthy habits. They dispel witchcraft, ancestor worship, and any other kinds of traditional medicine. They explain why certain beliefs are lies and inaccurate, encourage the care givers to make healthy decisions and then wait and pray for the child to get better, thus disproving the cultural lies that have been passed down. They pray with and for their patients and caregivers. They mourn with the caregivers for the loses or in times of desperation, and they celebrate the milestones and successes like testing HIV negative or gaining wt! If the child ends up HIV positive, they keep the child until they are 5 years old, getting them through the time that they are most vulnerable (16.8% of all Mozambican children will not live to see their 5th birthday). If the child is NOT HIV positive, they keep the child until they are 2ish years old, depending on their health and wt at the time. Once the child is taking formula or supplemental foods, they help by giving them enough milk, sugar and/or oil (for the really malnourished), and poridge mix to make their breakfast cereal. Sometimes they are even able to help out by giving them ground up peanuts or beans to add to the cereal for extra protein. They keep bread and bananas or other fruit in the clinic for the sickest or those that came the furtherest to help out just a little bit extra.

The care givers wait HOURS to be seen, faithfully return week after week, their children showing improvement, themselves gaining confidence in caring for their sick child, and showing more and more initiative in seeking out medical help and care when needed.

The future:

They have previously had, are praying and dreaming about, having once again a step-down intermediate care nutrition ward for 6-8 babies and their caregivers to stay for a few weeks to months after they are discharged from hospital but aren't quite well enough to go back out to the bush where there is not any medical care for miles and miles. There the caregiver and the child would stay, be taught how to take care of the child, feed them, help them gain wt, and then watch them medically.

I had the privilege of helping them for 3 days while I was there. It was such a great experience and the team was wonderful to me. I'm now praying to see if this is something God would have me join in the future. I appreciate any prayers you send up on my behalf! :)

Provisions

2010-01-28T14:02:00.004+02:00

God is so good. Do you ever have those days when you cognitively realize and give thanks for just HOW good He is....I know, myself included, that most of the time it's easier to not even think about it. For me, He shows up in BIG ways in the small details. The things that NO other human could orchestrate. The perfect timings. The little things that just make you smile and know that YOUR creator is thinking of you and loves you. We all need those reminders from time to time. These moments are the times when I remember and give thanks for His provisions and how He truly cares for us.

2 weeks ago, one of our dear children, Dino, went home to be with his Heavenly Father for all of eternity. And while we are all very happy for him, it kinda rocked our world down here and we all miss him terribly! Sometimes the grief is easier to deal with than others, sometimes impossible. But God, in His infinite wisdom, mercy, and compassion already knew the exact time He was going to call Dino home to Him. He also knew exactly where I'd be and what the news would mean/do to me. He had it all worked out.

2 months earlier He prompted a friend of mine to bake some yummy homemade Christmas desserts for me, wrap them up, put them in a package and send them to me. Now, the logic of this, isn't all that good.....packages take 6-8 weeks to get to me. It's summer here and all over Africa. Air-conditioning rarely exists and it is HOT! It doesn't even take 30 minutes for chocolate to melt outside of my fridge. I'm not kidding. Also, the mail people aren't exactly NICE to my packages. Usually food items are broken and crushed by the time they reach me. Plus, who likes to eat homemade goodies after 8 wks of sitting in a box.....well I do! I miss Christmas candy and cookies and all the yummy things that come with the season. Just 2 days after Dino's funeral, another missionary arrived back on the center with the package for me (I didn't even know it was coming). NOT A SINGLE bit of it was melted, crushed, or broken and EVERYTHING had chocolate on it! Now that was God. AND it's not stale or gross or moldy....I'm STILL eating it. ;)

Also 3 Christmas cards and another package arrived for me at the same time. The other package had yummy flavored coffee in it (which is my favorite and I haven't had in about 2 years!) Mail is a BIG thing here....especially since 80% of mine never makes it here!

6 weeks ago, God prompted me to email a contact I had met for 2 minutes and ask to come visit their project in Chimoio for 5 days. Within 2 weeks all the arrangements were made and tickets bought. So just 3 days after his funeral, less than a week after his death, I boarded a plane, with a heavy heart, and made my way to Chimoio to stay with people I had NEVER met for almost a week. They knew nothing of what had gone on with Dino. They decided instead of putting me in the girl's dorm, they would put me in a house all to myself. WITH AIR-CONDITIONING! There were no kids running around, no noise, just silence, and peace, and beautiful surroundings, new friends, encouragement, and time with God. It was such a blessing. I instantaneously attached to all the missionary girls working up there and they with me. I helped them in the baby nutrition clinic for 3 days, we ran errands for 1 day, and then helped them with a sick Mozambican staff member that needed 24 hr nursing care. I went there spent, emotional, exhausted, fed up, and depleted. I came home refreshed, rejuvenated, encouraged, and blessed even though I worked almost the entire time I was there. Now only THAT is God.

Wanna know what else?.....in His perfect timing, He knew that a Mozambican girl named Rebecca would become very seriously ill with cerebral malaria. She spent 10 days in an intensive care unit in a private, more western clinic, continuously vomiting, losing IV access constantly, and seizing uncontrollably even with medications. She would become so weak, she couldn't even be able to sit without major support. The missionaries at Chimoio work with her and are very close to her. They were tired and worn out and taking home someone that was seizing frequently, who couldn't even sit up or walk to the bathroom alone, requiring 24 hr nursing care. ADDED to their other responsibilities. I arrived just 2 days before she was released and was able to help them and give them some relief.

2 weeks ago, the Lord prompted another missionary here to invite myself and another one of the nurses involved in the care of Dino, to her uncle's house (the US ambassador) to spend Saturday and Sunday there. Of course, I said yes. This meant 24 more hours of rest, food provided for me, and air-conditioning (no little thing here). It extended my time off the base to a full week. It had been 6 wks since my last break, and I honestly just needed the time, relaxation, and rest even BEFORE Dino's death, but especially after. It was such a blessing and provision to go stay with her family who are an amazing Christian family with such warmth and wisdom.

Each time, I was really hit by HOW GOOD He is! How He provides for us and loves us even before we know we need it! The song below has been in my heart the last few weeks....some lines are harder to sing than others, but it is ALL true and who I need God to be. especially the verses about hoping, dreaming, watching & waiting, and then laughing, weeping, hurting, & healing. It's just where I am right now. Good thing He is IN everything and MY everything!

God in my living

There in my breathing

God in my waking

God in my sleeping

God in my resting

There in my working

God in my thinking

God in my speaking

Be my everything

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Be my everything

Christ in me

Christ in me the hope of glory

You are everything

Christ in me

Christ in me the hope of glory

Be my everything

-Tim Hughes

Chimoio

2010-01-17T22:08:00.000+02:00

I'm off first thing in the AM (5:30 am-a VERY unGodly hour if you ask me) to a small town in the middle part of Mozambique called Chimoio (which is not pronounced key-moo like a dolphin's name like my friend Jackie affectionately calls it, but instead, shi-moiy-yo) for the next 5 days. It's at least an 18 hr drive from here so I'll be flying. I will be out of internet contact till next Saturday. It's a much needed break as well as a chance to network with some amazing Christian women that are living and working in a small rural community area. I'm excited and open to see what the Lord's going to show me while I'm there. It could not have come at a better time considering this last week!

If you think about it....send up a prayer for me during the week. This past week has definitely been one of the biggest challenges I've had since coming to Moz and most definitely the saddest. Some moments are easier than others and some moments are just overwhelming sadness, but I know My God is a comforter and it will get easier. I'm not angry or depressed or any of the other stages of grief....just sad cause I miss the sweet little tot. Ultimately I'm excited for him and happy to know that he's resting in Our Father's arms, being LOVED with the perfect love that he was never able to experience on earth, and he is once again whole and healthy and pain/sickness free. And I KNOW he's dancing and smiling and laughing and making fishy faces. He's probably even taking care of the littler angels....cause that's who Dino was on this earth...the LIGHT of the Lord shined through that 3 year old. You would have never guessed where he came from and from what....completely abandoned, no family, near death.....he had the courage to love other and us more than I think we could have ever loved him. The other kids in the BH miss him too and are adjusting. They often say "and not Dino...he's not here" when it's time to take medicines or in the quiet moments, they remind me in their cute little toddler voices that Dino is with Jesus now. Now THAT can melt anyone's heart. He was such a personality and will be remembered for a long time! There's definitely a big hole to fill! Until next week.....