answered prayers and teary eyes

blogging is therapeutic for me and definately easier than journaling (probably cause i've been sucked into the technology world to a pt that might qualify as unhealthy)...that said, perhaps this will work for me tonight!

The last 6 months have been hard for me...preparation, i know....answered prayers-Yes! that doesn't make it easier....let me explain: Back in sept., when I finally said "yes" to God I earnestly turned my hands palms up and said fine, but I need a few things to make this happen....1-this is not my desire...it is not my idea. you have to soften my heart and create a genuine joy and enthusiasm for this journey. 2-i followed you when taking my part-time schedule as a single person trusting there would be enough and in the process have found only meager funds trickling towards paying debt off....it's got to go! 3-i have worked for the last 3 yrs to plant roots in a city i love....delving into a profession i am passionate about; intentionally and intimately forming a large network of friends; finally finding a church....I am so connected to this city and I don't want to leave. You have to break these bonds to make it easier for me....I cannot do it alone.

Praise be! Everyone of these prayers have been answered!! 1-I cannot explain it but through scriptures, lectures, and shared experiences a deep passionate desire for what He has called me to do has been lit in my soul....an all consuming fire and I cannot wait to go to Africa, leaving everything I've ever known as normal behind. 2-Since January, I have only lived in Nashville for 3 months....the other 3 were spent painfully away from a place and people I was bound to...New Orleans was were He called me...a travel position laid in my lap to pay off 90% of my debt in 3 months....a place that stretched me-called me out of fellowship, out of the safety of my home, out of being the majority. It was tiring, overwhelming, and emotional....but I can see His hand and the lessons learned. 3-In the past 6 months I have said goodbye to 4 dear friends who have moved away from Nashville to start life where God has called them. They were not acquaintances, or buddies; they were people I have been sharing my life with...who have walked WITH me...who saw me at my worst and didn't turn away. Their bonds aren't the only ones broken....just the strongest.

Tonight I sit here after saying goodbye to 2 of them in 4 days. I am overcome with emotion and sense of being lost. It is what I asked for after all....and He is doing amazing things in their lives...for which I am excited. Just doesn't make this process any easier. So again....my hands are outstretched...palms up...ready to be filled with His goodness, faithfulness, and strength. He who has called will prepare....it is NEVER the otherway around.

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