This week I was reminded of how fast time passes when you aren't looking and how far God brings us...all the details that are worked out and all the plans He has for us that I, personally, cannot even dream up. This last week marked one year since a little boy (Dino) I had the privilege of knowing, loving, and serving left this harsh world and leapt into the arms of Jesus. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this made for a hard week....a week of questions, reflection, praying, and lots of reminiscing. Dino was this amazing little toddler that so embodied Christ's love and was such a beautiful picture of redemption. And while I'll never really fully understand why God decided it was time for him to leave earth, I'll always stand firm in completely knowing and believing that God used that little boy in a mighty powerful way while he was living and walking on this earth and has continued using him over and over since his passing to bring glory to God's kingdom. So I spent the week rereading the blogs I had written during Jan and into March when his death was quickly followed by sweet Gracinha's passing and how broken I had been in those moments. Oh how much perspective we gain when we aren't in the midst of situations. The situation was confounded by the fact that during that time period we were severely short-handed in the nursing world, I was way overworked, overstressed, and emotional/physically/spiritually beyond exhaustion. I was processing a new calling that God had been speaking to me about-going back to the States, starting grad school, and returning to Moz in a very different capacity in a much more rural part of the country. And I was attempting to come to grips with the end of my time in Zimpeto and all the goodbyes that would bring-to children that I had seen be transformed from brokeness to LIFE, that held pieces of my heart; missionaries that had walked life with me and become such close friends; Mozambicans that I had poured into for 2 years, watched grow in their faith, knowledge, and character, women that had become my friends; a country and culture that I loved and had become so much a part of me with all it's good, bad, and everything in between; and a language that sometimes has me confused when I attempt to switch back to English and sometimes makes a bit more sense with it's lyrical sound. So Dino was kinda the final straw.
But this week as I talked with friends on different continents that have walked this same journey with me, held hands with me, prayed with and for me, offered their shoulders, and ignored my anger, sadness, tears, and frustration while simultaneously celebrating the joy and victory at the same time I realized a few things.....how much I miss Moz daily and how ready I am to be back there (and this one fact I kinda wrestle with daily, but I think I'm getting really good at putting it on the back burner and semi ignoring it most days), but in the exact same breathe how much I want my return to be in the exact perfect timing of God, in the right situation, right location, and right job with the right ministry. and that moment is not right now. and you know what? I don't think I could say any of these things with a lot of certainty or truthfulness if God hadn't been doing so much in my life since a year ago but most importantly over the last 7 months since I've been home. I think most of you knew from emails, phone calls, newsletters, and perhaps even through blogs, how right the timing was for me to be back home.....I so much needed the time for rest, healing, and to simply be blessed by God.....which, when I struggle the most with being home and the timing of it all, is when God reminds me of how right it was and is and how much He is using this time I'm home to do something new in my life....how much I need this time of preparation (spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually) before I return back to the mission field. I'm truly overwhelmed by it and thankful for it most days. I see it in all the details He has laid out for me before I came home, and daily since I've been here.
And in case I don't say it enough to ya'll in person......I am truly thankful for each of you that continue to stand by me through this entire journey no matter how crazy it all seems....for those of you that simply sit quietly and listen to me vent and speak my heart even though I know you don't really have the words to make it right...know that just your willingness to sit with me is more than enough and means a lot to me....for those of you that continue to pray with me and for me during this time and for the future that God has for me....and for those of you that encourage me and give me wisdom, speaking the truth into my life even when I might not want to hear it! Ya'll are all awesome and I am truly blessed that God has brought you into my life and alongside me for this journey. Thanks.
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
-Lyrics by Jason Ingram & Ruben Morgan
