Working through the grief

Somedays are hard.  Others are harder.  There are moments that are good.  Filled with laughter and smiles.  These are the moments that make it easier.  That make what I am doing here worthwhile and meaningful....not that the deaths aren't full of that as well.  Each and everyone one of them.  I've been closed to only 6 people in my life (all 28b years of it) that have died.  4 have been in the last 2 years while in Africa.  One was 3.5 years old.  The other 3 hadn't even completed a full year of life.  2 were younger than 4 months.  The sadness and devestating effects of HIV, Tuberculosis, malnutrition, and even simple diseases that we erradicated YEARS ago in the States is overwhelming at times.  The nonexistent medical system that is at best 50 years behind us in knowledge and equipment (maybe more) and the lack of supplies and medicine is outraging.  The poverty is heartbreaking.  The apathy over life and how precious it is is apalling and absolutely nauseating.  

I am NOT ok.  It is NOT right.  Not even a tiny itsty bit.  And all I know, is that my God's heart is breaking EVEN MORE.  His outrage and frustration and pain is even greater.  What I'm experiencing over His fallen world is only a fraction of what He's experiencing.  I can not even imagine.  And He created me to love them and serve them.  To somehow make it a bit better.  To somehow make it a bit more right.  To pour out the blessings He has poured into my life.  But it is ten times more the blessing for me.  

The moments below are all within the last month, most in the last 2 weeks.  Good God given moments.
new admit Manuel
milk program momma with her twins
Dionisio and Lucia-both Bercario graduates who struggled and fought for life-kissing and hugging today-celebrating the life they've been given.
Bercario tias and tots the day after Graca died
Nanda-a crawling miracle-all smiles and giggles and FAT!
some of my favorite tots
admitting a new momma and baby onto the milk program
missionary girls for a saturday outting
beautiful miracle-so far in such a short time-blowing kisses
new admits (twins):  Eugenio and Marta
Pray for them as they grow, catchup, and get nourished.  They are a bit underweight and short for their age at 2.5 years old and 23 lbs.  Marta's just learning to walk.
Pray for new admit Manuel who has quickly settled in since arrival yesterday, but has a LONG way to go in the malnourishment department.  He's 7.1 kg (15.5 lbs) and almost 2.5 years old.  He's wearing 6-9 month old clothing.
Dionisio is 3 weeks younger than Manuel
The height difference is staggering and due to long-term malnutrition.  Manuel can't stand on his own, but crawls and talks.  Pray as we do testing and start giving him lots and lots of healthy food!

I pray for broken hearts....for eyes to see the needs of those around us....to hear the prompting of the Lord for when and how we should meet those needs.....for a soft heart that is obedient to His prompting and a soul that is STIRRED into ACTION.  As my college minister used to continuously say (and for a very good reason).....We are blessed to be a blessing.  Be a blessing.

"Your grace has found me just as I am; 
Forever I am CHANGED by your love, 
In the presence of your majesty."
-lyrics by Delirious

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