10.5.09

I am blessed

I wish I could adequately express how blessed I feel.  Especially today.  It's Mother's Day!!!  Happy Mother's day to all of you.  I am blessed because I live in a beautifully simple country.  I live, daily stretched, beyond myself, my abilities, my comfort, my energy, and my strength.  Most of you know I didn't ask or even want to be here.  Now it's been a little over 11 months and I'm committed for another year, unsure when this journey will end.  You know what though? I can't even remember the reasons and excuses I gave.  Because I would NOT give this up for anything.  Most women are blessed with only a few children, grandchildren, and if they are lucky, great-great grandchildren.  But, I am more than abundantly blessed with 45 children.  Yes, they are not mine biologically, but I love them just the same.  I pray for them, discipline them, hold them, hug them, tickle them, laugh at and with them.  I change diapers, wash faces, clean up messes, hold sticky, tiny hands, give bottles, help feed, and play with them.  I read stories, color pictures, smile at, make funny faces at, kiss them, and tuck them in at night.  I get on the floor with them, get dirty with and by them, am tackled by them, and wouldn't trade a second of it.  Most of all, I can't imagine a life without them.  They have my heart.  They know my name.  I miss them when I'm not around them.  They are mine to mother and love on in these moments, for this season.  I love each and every moment of it.  See, my most important job here is NOT being a nurse, though I do A LOT of that.  It is helping to raise these kids and love them with the love of Jesus.  It's funny, cause I didn't go to nursing school to do this....but somehow (6 years later to the date), it's brought me here.  And when I look back on my life and see situations and seasons and people....I know it was all for these moments.  I am not the person I was 10 years ago.  I am not the same person I was 6 years ago.  I hope, I pray, I am a little more Christlike.  That IS, after all, what this walk and life is all about.  I am more laidback, calmer, less stressed, less OCD, less of a perfectionist, wiser, more knowledgeable, more patient, less controlling, less of a planner, more carefree, stronger, and more sure of myself.  I'm still stubborn, opinionated, outspoken, passionate, and caring.  I know God has been molding me and working on certain things in my life so I can function here and do what He has planned for me here.  Because, if I was who I was even 5 years ago, I would not make it here.  God is good and gracious and merciful.  I cannot be sad or hurt because I am 28 and single and have no biological children (even though the PLAN was to married and have the 1st child by 25 and finish the 4th or 5th by 32).  I'm NOT sad or hurt.  Because I'm 28 with a heavenly father that provides EVERYTHING I need and more and knows me better than anyone ever can and will and I have 45 beautiful children.  That's more than enough.  My cup runs over. 
 
So I am very blessed this mother's day.  And I am very thankful that MY mother is kind and wise and merciful enough to be without me on days like today.  My grandmothers and mother and other special women helped me to get here and be who I am today.  Thank you  to every woman that has been a mother to be over the years.  Today is a day to celebrate!
 
"For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married. says the Lord.  Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes.  For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your offspring will possess the nations and will people the desolate cities."    -Isaiah 54:1b-3
 
 

3 comments:

Amy said...

You touch each one of these children's lives and they are so lucky to have you to care for them, teach them, and love them. You are a great mom to these babies! Enjoy your day!

LJ said...

Happy Mother's Day to you, Erin! You are so incredible and your faith astounds me. May we all be broken and available enough to listen to God's call like you have. I love you; I am praying for you and your little ones!

erin said...

Thanks for all the prayer and encouragement girls! love and miss ya'll too! I am truly blessed by these little tots. Sometimes, I know they are giving me more than I can give them. :)